Hi,
Well, i know i have been quite emotional lately... i am okay just that i feel that i need to let some thing out of my chest... just like my previous post "KESAL" yes... the thing i said there is about me... I am in a relationship that have so many donts... First of all, i cant even say who is my partner... only certain people only close one know. Maybe not even 5 people...I mean i am very surprise that i managed to have it for certain time... almost a year... at times i feel that i am having an affair! and it hurts so much when i see other couples that can be open etc while mine like a secret... i was okay with it, but like i said... till when i can stand it this way... i think i am almost to the end of my endurance... and at times, i feel why did i commit to it... at one point, i simply follow wat been asked... dont hang out with friends... no other people. And i had to lie many times as to avoid confrontation... but then i realised i m so stupid doing that... while i can be honest.. and so i been honest....it helps.... watever i do i have to think for my partner's sake... always think beforehand but now i feel why... what do i get?... i m so committed and at the end of the day... i feel lonely and i feel neglected. What relationship is when you can see each other just mayb 1 or 2 hrs a week... and no mutual activities... and when only one side is trying to make it work... and only one scarifice a lot to make another one happy. I know you will say i am lame to think this way... but my mistake is to fall in love... and its difficult to let go... and its suck as Love always hurt! And always the case i am the bad one in the relationship as because i am extrovert and no problem making friends with others. I mean i am not a teenage and i prefer mature relationship... just that.. it is a relationship... not just for physical, i think it must involve emotional... need to have mutual activities.... how can a relationship develops when you can just see one another less than 2hrs a week... i understand the commitment for family etc i understand but is it so hard at least to make an effort?... and always, when i am upset, i am down or in trouble or having problem... i have to turn to others for that.. cant even go shopping together... ask wat colour is nice... n wont even know whether i am well or not... its hurt.... like other people would know more than your own partner... n yes, i try to get involve as much as possible for my partner... but due to situation, i am not able to do that due to some much restrictions this and that... just recently, i had dr appointment and not even a say... are you ok? what for?... let alone to come along... as no time..... weekend... no way we can see one another... just i have to revert to others... i mean yes i can stay home but i need to socialize n hang out n thank you as i knw now you dont have problem wit me going out as long as you knw and inform u...but the thing is i want to go out with you at times.... i could count how many times we even go out... n not even one we go cinema for example.. always like yes we should do that but the most common tag.. "Later!". Maybe it is too much that i ask for this... I am sorry but this is just how i feel at the moment... and wit the limited time i have here, i thought that we will make the most of it... but nope... maybe you would say i am too calculative... just imagine a month, we mayb just see one another 8 hrs in total... out of approximately 700 hours a month..... you can say its the quality that matters not quantity but still!... I am trying to understand the situation but what i ask is can i have at least a moment... i understand but like at least make an effort... to work something out... i think just a night out one in a while... would it kill to have that? i am not asking much... just an effort... Honestly, i have come to my limit... i dont knw what you people out there think... you people may think i am dumb.. to stay in this relationship... where some even suggested i am hallucinating as they never see who is my partner! no pictures or anything... as to respect... argghhh... i dont know... i have given thoughts to this... my patience kind of run out... hmm... well... i was listening to this song by Nike Ardilla....
"Dalam gelisah hati yg gundah,
aku diam sendiri,
merenungi yg kini terjadi,
diantara kita berdua....
semua mimpi yg pernah ada,
telah musnah segalanya...
kerana kini, kita telah berpisah,
tinggallah diriku sendiri...."
Well, we havent broken up but why do i feel so alone.... feel i m by myself... which is a bad sign i reckon... i have you, but i feel i m all the time by myself... at times i feel i m better off myself... i seriously have to think about this relationship... but like some said i shouldnt give up easily... to discuss... how... we dont even have time for that......anyhow... i better stop here... i just hope i can work and come to conclusion for this... all i need is to communicate... but we so do have problem in that! Just that you dont understand me well.. and i m so so diplomacy most of the time! but i m running out of it!
Okay.. thank you people... u guys have been a great support!!....D... i wish you are here!!!
Well, i know i have been quite emotional lately... i am okay just that i feel that i need to let some thing out of my chest... just like my previous post "KESAL" yes... the thing i said there is about me... I am in a relationship that have so many donts... First of all, i cant even say who is my partner... only certain people only close one know. Maybe not even 5 people...I mean i am very surprise that i managed to have it for certain time... almost a year... at times i feel that i am having an affair! and it hurts so much when i see other couples that can be open etc while mine like a secret... i was okay with it, but like i said... till when i can stand it this way... i think i am almost to the end of my endurance... and at times, i feel why did i commit to it... at one point, i simply follow wat been asked... dont hang out with friends... no other people. And i had to lie many times as to avoid confrontation... but then i realised i m so stupid doing that... while i can be honest.. and so i been honest....it helps.... watever i do i have to think for my partner's sake... always think beforehand but now i feel why... what do i get?... i m so committed and at the end of the day... i feel lonely and i feel neglected. What relationship is when you can see each other just mayb 1 or 2 hrs a week... and no mutual activities... and when only one side is trying to make it work... and only one scarifice a lot to make another one happy. I know you will say i am lame to think this way... but my mistake is to fall in love... and its difficult to let go... and its suck as Love always hurt! And always the case i am the bad one in the relationship as because i am extrovert and no problem making friends with others. I mean i am not a teenage and i prefer mature relationship... just that.. it is a relationship... not just for physical, i think it must involve emotional... need to have mutual activities.... how can a relationship develops when you can just see one another less than 2hrs a week... i understand the commitment for family etc i understand but is it so hard at least to make an effort?... and always, when i am upset, i am down or in trouble or having problem... i have to turn to others for that.. cant even go shopping together... ask wat colour is nice... n wont even know whether i am well or not... its hurt.... like other people would know more than your own partner... n yes, i try to get involve as much as possible for my partner... but due to situation, i am not able to do that due to some much restrictions this and that... just recently, i had dr appointment and not even a say... are you ok? what for?... let alone to come along... as no time..... weekend... no way we can see one another... just i have to revert to others... i mean yes i can stay home but i need to socialize n hang out n thank you as i knw now you dont have problem wit me going out as long as you knw and inform u...but the thing is i want to go out with you at times.... i could count how many times we even go out... n not even one we go cinema for example.. always like yes we should do that but the most common tag.. "Later!". Maybe it is too much that i ask for this... I am sorry but this is just how i feel at the moment... and wit the limited time i have here, i thought that we will make the most of it... but nope... maybe you would say i am too calculative... just imagine a month, we mayb just see one another 8 hrs in total... out of approximately 700 hours a month..... you can say its the quality that matters not quantity but still!... I am trying to understand the situation but what i ask is can i have at least a moment... i understand but like at least make an effort... to work something out... i think just a night out one in a while... would it kill to have that? i am not asking much... just an effort... Honestly, i have come to my limit... i dont knw what you people out there think... you people may think i am dumb.. to stay in this relationship... where some even suggested i am hallucinating as they never see who is my partner! no pictures or anything... as to respect... argghhh... i dont know... i have given thoughts to this... my patience kind of run out... hmm... well... i was listening to this song by Nike Ardilla....
"Dalam gelisah hati yg gundah,
aku diam sendiri,
merenungi yg kini terjadi,
diantara kita berdua....
semua mimpi yg pernah ada,
telah musnah segalanya...
kerana kini, kita telah berpisah,
tinggallah diriku sendiri...."
Well, we havent broken up but why do i feel so alone.... feel i m by myself... which is a bad sign i reckon... i have you, but i feel i m all the time by myself... at times i feel i m better off myself... i seriously have to think about this relationship... but like some said i shouldnt give up easily... to discuss... how... we dont even have time for that......anyhow... i better stop here... i just hope i can work and come to conclusion for this... all i need is to communicate... but we so do have problem in that! Just that you dont understand me well.. and i m so so diplomacy most of the time! but i m running out of it!
Okay.. thank you people... u guys have been a great support!!....D... i wish you are here!!!
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