Friday, December 23, 2011

I am not avoiding. With the KK bus incident... i been working... all u said... "u still busy?" no how are u... no concern... watever... and like you knew i am not happy... why not self reflect and see what u have done.... make joke again... anyhow i cant wait to be out of Brunei.... yes i be on holiday!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

In relationship, i believe there is the do and the dont... even if we joke... i bet there is limit to it. So tonyte seriously... i could not take the joke.... and well... like i said... who would have the last laugh.... i m serious....

Sunday, December 18, 2011

End of 2011

In less than 2 weeks, we will be leaving 2011 and welcoming 2012. Well 2011 has been a challenging year for me. I can’t say it is a bad year but it taught me a lot this year. Beginning of the year was a difficult time. I had my surgery and I spent my new year in hospital being admitted. Thanks for those visiting. And funny how some ppl like… ‘I didn’t visit you as I reckon you would want your privacy’ haha excuses… real frens would just visit. Anyhow…. Not a big thing really.
Beginning of the year, I was burdened by the leaving of one of my colleagues. I bet everyone knows. Asked for unpaid leave on the basis of further study and of course knowing the real reason behind it I couldn’t approve it. And my signature was forged and letters dated on days I was being admitted. Whole long story but it died down a bit now. And really I have no idea what the outcome. And only recently I was asked by CEO as this person asked for extension of her unpaid leave. See… how could I approved it before as now I was questioned why the extension and the course just started recently while she asked for unpaid leave very early in the year. Sigh….
And while we are on this subject about colleagues…. Another one… whom is known to be problematic… everyone is aware. And I had been a good fren and kept my eyes shut. But recently… I don’t know anymore. Just because her application was questioned, and superior had to ask me, it seemed that I was the one who is not supportive. How can I help when you are not helping yourself. Read the letters I wrote… whatever she wanted me to write I complied with back-up and yet she couldn’t back up herself. Couldn’t defend herself and I was asked. Read the letters carefully, there was not in any way that I opposed but very supportive. It caused us strained. She couldn’t accept fact and wanted an easy way out. Yes you can do this master n get into clinical psych in future… but ppl question why had to be this course 2 years in US… same as the previous one. And sorry… I just interviewed one applicant yesterday that just qualified in MFT from US… so I don’t see the need having 3 ppl doing the same thing. But was frustrated me with these two cases are these people are close to me. I been doing what I can to cover them, defending them when ppl said bad things about them… I even had argument with Ms SS before and see what I got in return. Sigh….. well I had made my mind… I made effort to be okay with Ms SS again. She may be harsh but at times I do feel she is right about them.
Anyhow… I wanna be more strict this 2012… no more mr nice boss… and I will get Pg Hartini involvement more and the next leave I have I will put her as my Pemangku. I am just fed up. And well, I been nice didn’t work… I do different approach.
Well, it may seem that it was negative for me. Well maybe yes. Being betrayed many times. I broke up with Q… but seriously it was the best thing. Being accused of this and that. Being the subject on the facebook… making me realised my goodness what type of ppl have I been hanging out. I self-reflected myself. And well… one incident when a person inbox me on FB and said I wanted to bring this dance company down… I was like wow… and being told who was the culprit… wow… I always question the loyalty of this person anyhow…. Not a surprise. I been told how this person had always been jealous of me… and I was told once that this person even called Police to ambush a gathering I was hosting. Anyhow… I wish you luck hanging out with bunch of losers!
Well… one a brighter note…. I had a good bday bash… pool party… I know lots expressed envyness for being not invited.. sorry only frens and exclusive. And thank you Didi Ahmad…. You have made my life better. A lot was jealous as my crowd is somebody. Sorry ppl… we are a group of highly educated ppl… mainly from overseas…. Lawyers, doctors, shrink… u name it…. and VVIP. I heard a lot but like I said… this is my life now… I only hang out with two groups mainly… Diners and PokerFace. And well recently I reconnected with an old fren… Wae… and how ppl talked about it… I am like hello… this is my fren of 8 years….. ok… leave it. Wae told me a lot… it seems that people have problem with me… while I don’t know what their problems are… well bottom line is jealousy! Hahaha…
Maybe I am not lucky in love…. I moved on. Now I am with someone… I am happy but sigh…. Problems always there… I am trying to be the understanding one but at times I wish the other party see my side too. Less I say the better. It been good and great but constraint this and that taken a toll on it lately…. I am still alone most of the time and dealing with this and that myself… sigh… I left H for this. And well lately, someone is trying to get my attention…. I really feeling afraid…. I deserve to be happy too…. I m very tired being the one making this work…. Like the one must message… being waiting for message…. Saying how happy to get my message…. But don’t you think I would like to be message too…. Must it b me the first to make move in everything…. Making plan etc… I know your restriction but a gesture would be nice… and sorry to say it here… at times, syg said thing that hurt me…. Last meeting we had… you asked why didn’t I leave u? why I still sticking to you. I was quite a bit n my mood changed… the words hurt and I only said as I made the commitment…. by saying that made me felt you are insecure. And by putting on FB… I don’t need anyone…. As your partner… have u ever tot how that would affect me…. Sigh….
Well… I wont think much…. In less than two weeks… its new year… hope better days. Well… this years also marked that I travelled a lot…. Many… went kl in feb, Brisbane in April, Singapore/KK/Manila in june…. And then went to Kl again in August and then I went HK in Nov…. and well next week I am off to Jakarta…. And next yr in Feb… Korea! Yay! Its my money… I don’t care ppl….. hahahaha….. Jealous much…. Be very very jealous!
And well… I know ppl that I used to know now estranged funny that I felt nothing… even Q… it means that these ppl are so insignificant in my life!  I miss Kieu a lot and well I cant wait for Dianne to be here next year!! Must be awesome!! Anyhow… I stop here til next time…. Better time and better year!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

New yr is approaching....normally i wont have resolution but this yr... i wanna be a better Head.... and i will change my way of reigning... n u ppl.... watch out.... knw the difference between... being asked and being instructed!
on the bright side... hey i passed my GO and FR... scored C for both papers! yaya.....
on the bright side... hey i passed my GO and FR... scored C for both papers! yaya.....
I know I have not been writing for a long time. Things are just pretty much the same. Love life is the same… adjusting to being in relationship.  and well I went to HK early November… and it was fun. And just recently I did help in SO. It was good to be helping but now I know why I left before. Just the people to be working with. I can’t stand them. Just put my nawaitu to help and put everything else aside. And well seriously I don’t think I want to be involved more in future unless things change in there. Just *&^% really!
And well… things at work is the same. Pretty much occupied and seriously at times I lost my direction. Not focus with all the projects of this and that. I wonder why when I was in UK or OZ… when u r a clinician… u r a clinician… and lest other things. Not to say u won’t do anything else but all are related and beneficial. But here is like endless and fruitless. You be part of something that you r not good at… and of course the outcome is suck.
And seriously I am very frustrated with certain attitudes of people. Think they would get away with anything. The good one will be used fully and no one will look at you. And for once I am saying here I hate being the head! I know it came with a price but like if talking about I am not a good leader or delegating… I think I am but like I think I have bad followers. Not motivated and not very incentive. And once I said a thing would pull a face and sour face! Lest I said what happened with the one before… who did all the damage. And now another one. I been nice… seriously….
I am tired being the nice one… and at the end… still I m not good. And like how can I help when you are not helping urself. I know I am bad saying this… do reflect of all ppl… why everyone progress and only you cant and still stuck… we help a lot… but at the end of the day you are not helping yourself!
Giving up whenever I said something… I am fed up being asked n query by the ppl up there… and since this is a matter that involved you, of course I need the cooperation. Wat? being the head do I have to be in charge of all…. Meaning I know it all… as I m superior! HELLO… THIS IS YOUR FUCKING MATTER!! And despite I have the qualification… not all I learn from uni… learn it from experience ppl!!!
Sorry ppl… I know I should not vent it out but at times just too much! Seriously I can just shut my eyes n do nothing….. and well.. for certain times… I feel like stepping down…. But who else can take this job!
And yes… I know I wont just be like this…. I have plan…. Just time will tell…. I m just fed up and fed up!!