Monday, December 6, 2010

This is a song that i want to dedicate to a person that have been so nice to me. Surely you are an angel and surely you are the gem in my life.... Thanks for being there for me... the song is for you... although may not be applicable in the whole sense but you get what i am trying to say. I like you for proving it with actions and not with words... as i don't like promises. You never promise me anything but surely you did deliver!! Love you for that...

"Ketika sepi datang
Melanda hatiku
Ketika kosong
Datang hinggap di kalbu

Engkau selalu hadir
Engkau selalu datang
Engkau paling mengerti
Apa yang ku mau

Jangan kau dengarkan
Kata mereka yang selalu ingin memisahkan kita
Kobarkan asmara jauh didalam dada

Kalau kau bulan
Kamu jadi bintangnya
Bila kau jadi bunga
Kamu jadi kumbangnya
Kalau kau bulan
Kamu jadi bintangnya
Bila kau jadi bunga
Aku jadi kumbangnya

Honey ku tersayang, honey ku tercinta
Hati dilanda rindu tanpa kehadiranmu
Oh honey ku tersayang, honey ku tercinta
Temani diriku sampai akhir nanti

Akhirnya ku temukan ya yang ku cari
Sepanjang hidupku ya yang ku cari

Oh honey ku tersayang, honey ku tercinta
Oh temani diriku sampai nanti
Honey ku tersayang, honey ku tercinta
Temani diriku sampai sampai akhir nanti"


Dulu memang kita saling bersama
Ku mengira tulus dalam kata
Tapi kini kamu memang berbeda
Ku terluka untuk selamanya
Caramu yang membuat diriku jauh
Kecewa di dalam hatiku

Ku tak mengerti cinta
Indahnya hanya di awal ku rasa
Mengapa kau benar
Dan aku selalu salah
Kini memang kita saling berpisah
Ku merasa sesal dalam kata
Tapi kini kamu memang bersalah
Kau berubah untuk selamanya
Sifatmu yang membuat diriku jenuh
Mendua di balik mataku

Ku tak mengerti dia
Cinta ini bukan hanya kau yang rasa
Ternyata dia bukanlah pujaan dalam hatiku
Ku tak mengerti cinta…


Setiap kali ku berfikir
setiap kali ku mengerti
jalan ini tak semestinya ku tempuh
dalam hidupku
seandainya aku mau
seharusnya aku bisa
tinggalkanmu yang slama ini ku cinta
dalam hatiku
maafkanlah aku
yang tak mampu lagi berpura-pura
untuk tak cintai kamu
slama ini di depannya
ku tak sanggup lagi
terus kau suruh untuk slalu mengalah
lebih baik aku pergi
dari cinta yg tak pernah ..

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Sheila Marcia – Malaikat Kecilku

"Separuh jiwaku telah jadi satu
Tak sabar ku menunggu
Datangnya sang waktu
Tuk membuat secara baru
Hari terus berlalu
Menanti ku terharu
Tuk melukiskan cerita baru

Satu nafasku kian jadi satu
Bahagia yang ku tunggu
Peluk erat dirimu
Berbisik ayat-ayat rindu
I just want to say i love you
I need you and i miss you
Kau memang malaikat kecilku

Separuh jiwaku telah jadi satu
Tak sabar ku menunggu
Datangnya sang waktu
Tuk membuat secara baru
Hari terus berlalu
Menanti ku terharu
Tuk melukiskan cerita baru

Bahagia yang ku tunggu
Peluk erat dirimu
Berbisik ayat-ayat rindu
I just want to say i love you
I need you and i miss you
Kau memang malaikat kecilku"

Sunday, October 24, 2010


Gemini men take great pride in their ability for communicate ideas and to hold to their own in an intelligent discussion. If you’re not able to keep up with them, then you’ll win a few Brownie points with them. Gemini men can get bored easily if you can’t hold their attention or maintain an interesting level of communication with them.
Being a Gemini bloke, you probably a little edgy, ready and raring to go. You can’t handle hanging around for things to happen; you’re a go-getter and therefore always on the move, ready for the next exciting adventure. You’re a livewire.
You’re a chameleon by nature and adapt yourself easily to any situation in which you find yourself. You can’t handle being tied down; but if that’s your choice, you’ll find no problem with it. It others impose their schedules or timetables on you, however, you feel trapped and unable to be the master of your own destiny.
Geminis often exhibit independent and free style of personality traits. Money (and the lifestyle that it can buy) is very important to you as well. You’d do anything to achieve respect and honour in your chosen field but you must be careful to work consistently and maintain focus on one thing sufficiently long enough to achieve the results.
If you’re finding it hard to commit to one path, you’ll need to get the boredom factor under control and look for variety within one chosen field of activity. Sport as well is a great way of helping you to focus. You’re never fearful of trying something unusual, learning new skills and meeting different people. Your enthusiasm gives you a buzz and also enlightens those with whom you come into contact. Few Gemini ‘retire’; rather let’s just say they ‘rewire’! You’ll continue to be a lover of knowledge and a student of life into old age.
Emotionally, you’re a little detached and this is difficult for your partner to understand. You’re restless and fidgety when it comes to committing yourself to someone because you love your independence so much. Your emotional responsibility is something you may need to work on a little more.


I was reading a book about Gemini. It is the zodiac for those are born between 22 May and 21 June. It is a book by Dadhichi, a famous TV astrologer. Not to believe all of it but it was fun reading it. I will not elaborate on all but just few points which I think worth to mention here.

There are 3 classes of Gemini:
- Those born between 22 May and 1 June are solely focused on intellectual and communicative pursuits. Education, reading and any type of learning to further your intellectual satisfaction is ideal. Mercury is powerful for you and gives you el primo mental reflexes.
- Born between 2 and 12 June, Venus will have considerable influence over you making you very sensual and emotional in temperament. Unlike other Geminis, your feelings will get the better if you at times. Emotions are an important part of your life.
- If you are born between 13 and 21 June, you have a bit of wild side to you. The sign of Aquarius co-rules you and this means you’re harmlessly mad. You’re fun person who loves to walk on the wilder side of life, experiencing things that others rarely dare to attempt. This will make your life an exciting journey.

My comment: I think I am the mixed of the three above. Is that making me super Gemini?! Hehehe....


This song, first i heard it couple of months ago.. at first i thought it was too malay or too 'kampungan' but the more i listen to it... it grew on me and i really like the song and the melody... kinda sad at times as it really touches me... and well i know so far, in this domain... i never have any good luck... won't give up hahaha... like the song... i am listening to it now even :)

Lagu Eren – Takkan Pisah

"sayang aku ingin berbicara kepadamu
tentang apa yang tengah aku rasakan
ada apa, ada apa katakanlah semuanya
ku kan dengarkan duhai cintaku

bila nanti orang tuamu meridhoi dengan
apa yang ku rasakan padamu
semua orang tua ingin yang terbaik untuk anaknya
begitu pun orang tuaku

kau takkan tinggalkanku
takkan pernah, sayangku
janjimu janjiku untukmu

takkan ada yang pisahkan kita
sekali pun kau telah tiada
akan ku pastikan
ku kan memeluk menciummu di surga

jangan kau pergi tinggalkan aku
bawa aku ke mana kau mau
janji ku padamu
jiwa dan ragaku mati pun ku mau"
It is sunday today. I just woke up about an hour ago and it is almost midday now. Well... i missed the invitation for the MUKIM SIHAT this morning... somewhere in Jerudong. Well, it is sunday and i needed my sleep. The invitation stated 6.20am hahaha... even last night i was 'good luck in waking up Yus!'. I did want to go as it has been some time i attend MOH events... i should start attending one soon. :)
Well... not much plan for the day... just lazying around. I intend to finish my reading today... i bought some books during my last trip and will finish them. Then maybe if i have the mood... do more research on Dementia... and well... definitely i m off to do my hiking today at Shahbandar... well... i don't think much of someone today... i wonder is that a good sign... as i need to clarify my feeling and well... i thought of someone else... ermmm... anyhow... i just hope i be okay no matter what.
Oh ya...i am supposed to have coffee later with Hanif... it has been ages since i last saw him. Catching up etc. My god... we are so busy with our own life... and well now... i guess i better check what can i have for lunch! :)
I am not sure whether i am angry or not... but for u... this is how i feel with what had happened today! well not entirely but roughly la...

Dulu Kau pernah bilang,
kita selalu berdua
Dulu kau pernah bilang,
kita tak akan terpisah...
Dulu kau ucap janji
Cinta harus berbagi....
Dulu Kau ucap janji,
kita sehidup semati....
Kini semua berakhir,
Kau pergi dan takkan kembali...
mengapakah ini terjadi...
disaat ku cinta padamu....
Kini Cintaku mati...
Terkubur didalam hati
Tak akan ada yang lain...
Sampai nanti ku mengundur diri..."

Well just a song... but ya... :)

Saturday, October 23, 2010

I just want to mention that for Danny's birthday... we went to Miri to celebrate. Well.. Three of us.. Danny, Azim and myself... for info.. we are all cousins... so it was like a family trip... it was fun for once just us... see our pics... we like it so much hehe....
This just came across my mind.. just say you are on FB or MSN... why is that certain people never approach you first unless you approach them. For me, it simply telling you that you are more into that person that the other one ya.. right? i mean i am not talking random people but say your friends. It made me think at times... why do we have to be the first to say hi... if we don't, they wont say hi to you. It can be give and take but when i realized it has always been me saying hi or hello first... it made me wonder at times... why cant they made the first move at times... i do get tired you know... and like asking ppl for coffee or hang out... if i don't... no... i mean not all... I got Danny asking me coffee all the times... i got Farhan... i got Justina... etc these what i call as friendship... as it is both sides. So i want to tell myself... for some people as i am tired being the one keeping asking or inviting so i will stop now... for once... people it is nice to be asked out... coffee etc... not just one sided... so i am just sticking to people that do vice versa... that is what i call friendship :) .... So you out there... if u think i don't keep in touch... think again... as i think i normally do keep in touch just that the touch is getting tired as only one sided...
I know at times i realized that maybe i am not made for relationship... all gone down the drain... i know god made us someone but i haven't found that someone yet. I am not looking but i know at times i am searching. Incoherent it may sound. Anyhow... this is how i feel lately... i feel my relationship is so not balanced. This is how i felt... about my love...

Dingin dalam hati mengingat dirimu kasih
Tertutup lembar cerita cinta
Jgn biarkan aku menanggis sendiri...
Menyendiri tanpa kau disini
Cintaku kuingin sepertimu
Tak merindu walaupun jauh dariku
Cintaku maaf aku tak tahan..
Menghadapi dinginnya hatimu
Sampai kini kasih tak ada dapat kucari
Walaupun begini aku tetap cinta engkau...."

Saturday, October 9, 2010

I knw i have lots of nice moments during my trip... but i surely miss these people... they were wonderful and it was memorable cuz of them!

Was showing some trip pictures just now... sis was impressed. Ermm... mum no comment only asking about the henna tatoo i had on my arm... it was henna... henna... if it is for real... you would reckon i would show it? 'sigh' .... Wat wrong wit that... even in Brunei we have henna... in carnival etc... wedding people do henna... wat's the big deal..... exact question 'is it still visible'... wat if it is... after all it was not permanent tatoo... and ya aura was all negative!

Friday, October 8, 2010

I am just wondering to what extend can you be control. I know it is not nice to talk about this. But at times,i am just so fed up to be asked little things and seems like you cant have your freedom at all. Being criticized for anything, the way you dress etc. And like can your parents understand your routine etc. I know it is not good to talk ill of your parents, i am aware of that. But like you are an adult,leave some room for trust and freedom. To be constantly getting text messages when you are out 'jalan-jalan' like 'dont be home late mum said'... once or twice maybe okay but all the times! Cut me some slacks! like last night for certain times, i went out at about 7pm just to grab dinner and coffee with my mates... text msg... 'dont be home late'... this is like many times! Wat the %^&*!! and like today, i am up early, went down to have breakfast, was asked "you r up early, where are you going"... i m just down to get coffee... and like what you need to knw! Do i have to report all?!! Like most time... i be in my sport attire, i be asked 'where you off to?' i am like 'u need to ask... sport... meaning hiking.. i been doing it like for many years.. cant u just understand it without asking'... its pathetic... at the age of over 30 yrs, at times i do have to like 'sneak' if i go out as to avoid questions... u know us... at times just out to get dvds etc n to be asked the whole time where to... its just too much and ya... and ya... well there is more but i dont knw... like what i what extend we can be control.. and well being parents... even about money they would interfere and well... mine at times... even interfere my work... sigh!

Sunday, July 18, 2010


"When you weren't around I was Okay
I use to have time for my friends all day

When you weren't around I was alright
I need sometime alone tonight

So what will you do
If I leave you here alone

How will you feel
if I won't be coming home

Cause I got myself to save
so I might be gone If you call on me tonight

Between love and goodbye
i wont be leaving in the middle this time
Between love and goodbye
i've got a heart of gold you will never find

When you weren't around I was myself
I never had to think of anyone else

When you weren't around I always need
just where my life was going to

So i can create
what we havent seen

But i cant escape
leaving in a dream

And my fear is at its height
so i might fall far like the stars in heaven tonight

Between love and goodbye
i wont be leaving in the middle this time
Between love and goodbye
i've got a heart of gold you will never find

the thought of loosing you tonight
makes me want to stay and fight
but i cant touch what you believe
should i leeeeeeeeeaaaave

between love and goodbye
i wont be leaving in the middle this time
between love and goodbye
i've got a heart of gold you will never find"

Friday, May 14, 2010


"Sejak ia pergi dari hidupku
Kumerasa sepi
Kau tinggalkan ku sendiri disini
Tanpa satu yang pasti

Aku tak tahu harus bagaimana
Aku merasa tiada berkawan
Selain dirimu
Selain cintamu

Kirim aku malaikatmu
Biar jadi kawan hidupku
Dan tunjukkan jalan yang memang
Kau berikan untukku
Kirim aku malaikatmu
Karena ku sepi berada disini
Dan didunia ini aku tak mau sendiri

Tanpa terasa kuteteskan air mata
Yang tiada berhenti mengiringi
Kisah dihati

Aku tak tahu harus bagaimana
Aku merasa tiada berkawan
Selain dirimu
Selain cintamu

Dan didunia ini aku tak mau sendiri"
Have u ever feel that despite you have so many friends but at times.. u just have urself and lonely and the ppl that u want to be wit you are not wit you or like the ppl that you expect to be frens would be the one whom made u feel lonely... and like u always there for them.. but when u need them.... they r not there and the least ppl that you expect to be there for u... there for u.... and like it made u think... wow... laugh n fun many ppl and once u r down, then u knw who r your real friends are.... for me... i knw all these times, i always think family are your best fren... blood always thicker than water.. but i do knw at times we are also blessed wit friends... and i knw i am... just that... i cant trust some frens thats all... i am always skeptical that some r just there for convenient... and at times, must say i have selfish fren... whom just want to get their ways thru you... like after a while... not even "How are you" and just simply ask this and that for their benefits... some ppl are just fren for fun... i mean i m not complaining.. i have observed that its hard to find genuine one... i had few occasions when i was really down.. i felt i had no frens at all... but one thing i always observed.. ppl that i least expect.. wont lend me their shoulders n be there.... funny how world works ya.... i remember one day... i have close frens here... but like they will be last to be there for me and to knw wat happend to me... instead frens whom are not here in brunei... comforted me... Love u C for that... and like always... D will be online n always a pillar to me.. by wanting to kick my ass to make me realise my doings! hahah... and chat with Kieu and Divya always lovely... and well... firdaus and Haiza... hehe .. of course! hehe... these are frens ppl.... and i do knw... i always can revert to God... always... nah just like just now... i feel lonely again... mayb GAD hahah n msg ppl but like ermm... late reply one thing n well... really others no respond... i tot coffee or so.. i mean i would text haiza but not suitable hahah but guess wat... fir called in to chat... i was like wow... like he knws i needed a fren to talk to hahah... called in all the way from down under... ermm nice... thats a fren... n once i m online... D texted... wow... unlike some ppl online... until i say hi dont expect them to approach u first unless they needed to ask something! wat the... anyhow.. til later... well i may forget to mention some ppl... just the moment.. i mean i have dear fren in Meela.. Haslin also hehehe... mayb next time i will talk abt other ppl.. ehehehehe


Just wanna let things out here.... well not much... i think maybe it had been busy and stressful at times.. anyhow... just few things:
1. I wonder until wat limit we can do with patients? Just like today was in the ward, bumped into Dr Munir and he looked tired and at times frustrated... and i said hi.. and wats up... he stated that at times feel frustrated with chronic cases that demanding n unreasonable expectation etc... i knw this is our job and we had to take it... i did say... do time-out as at times we need to look after ourself too... like me... thus y after work i need time on my own... i will do my exercise on my own... as i need it... and i did tell him as well... i had client whom complaint and angry wit us just because we moved the our waiting area... the client didnt like it... well... i shouldnt say client (as they r not paying!) like Dr connie said... dont like that word... hehe... patients that the word... at times so highly demanding... and well... maybe i was in such a bad mood.. i couldnt stand it and said my piece of mind to the patient! ye la... my clinic... my right how i decorate n design... aiyo!!
2. Today as well, went to a shop to get an envelope... and no one attending the shop... the keeper went to pray... i mean ya... pray but like business is on as well... like i had to wait... is it wrong to be mad?
3. Yesterday, i had this unknown number on my mobile.. and so i called it back... i said nice "oh... just to tanya, i got ur no on my mobile..." before even i finished wat i wanted to say.. was interrupted by the operator in high pitch and angry tone "MANA DAPAT TU BANYAK KALI D SINI ANE MANA KAMI DAPAT TRACE"... i m like in my head... no hi or intro whereabt the place... so nicely i asked again "i know... but may i just now where is the place"... to be told rudely "ANE KLINIK SENGKURONG, IATAH MANA KAMI DAPAT TU GTAU SAPA TFUN".... so i m like... firmly and sternyly... "Oh atu yang aku mahu tau, di mana saja, i am aware kita nda dpat aku ne org RIPAS jua and aware of it tfun operator ane... just wanted to knw dari mana... SALAHKAH!!! NDA JUA PAYAH KITA KAN TERIAK-TERIAK AND MARAH MARAH ANE!! and that bit i was kinda yelled and i ended it with F%^&! to the lady... i am like come on cant ppl talk nicely... thats their job as operator... and i am like no wonder Sengkurong clinic had so much complaint!!
4. Another thing, i cant understand why some ppl in health profession, cant understand the meaning of respecting other professions... the meaning of qualified and licensing... just that couple days ago... i got a text frm a fren asking for his colleague whether the colleague can borrow my assessment tools for one of the tests... i am like.. ya i do have the tools but like... the tools is designed and licensed only for clinical psychologist to use.. n not other professionals... like i cant used SLT tools for mine... Audiology machines per say... i mean ya... maybe you read from internet certain tools to be used for assessments but always remember, who can used which... of course i wont let ppl use our psych tools.. otherwise like wat the point of me then... this is ethics and standard of practice... stick to your scope ppl!! i m registered n licensed and so i am strict about this!!

well.. am sorry if complaint too much... but like i said mayb burnt out... and underappreciated... but like i said... i like to pout things out.. i mean no harm... but if terasa... sorry la... i m just saying the fact here...

Monday, May 3, 2010

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Nike Ardilla

I must say i am amazed by this singer... apart from ELLA, she is my fav singer of all time... here some info about her. Taken from Wikipedia... Must say... i think she was/is huge!! Still cant understand why ppl find ppl Siti Nurhaliza is great, for me she is nothing... I salute Sheila Majid more than her and well Agnes can beat her anytime and many other great singers!! and well i think Nike Ardilla, even in her death still better for me than her!

Raden Nike Ratnadilla or commonly known as Nike Ardilla (27 December 1975 - 19 March 1995) was a rock singer from Bandung, West Java Indonesia. She died as the result of a car accident in Bandung at the age of 19, while at the height of her popularity and her name remains famous in Indonesia. She was known as "Young Legend". Until now, Nike Ardilla is a musician, singer, movie star, and the most successful models in the history of show biz industry in Indonesia exist.

With 30 million albums sold worldwide and the prestigious honor of being the only artist under the age of 15 who can sold an album over 2 million copies ever in Indonesia. More than any other single artist, Nike Ardilla was the driving force behind the return of teen pop Rock in the late '80s. Nike Ardilla didn't just become a star—she was a bonafide pop phenomenon. Not only did she sell millions of records, she was a media fixture regardless of what she was (or wasn't) doing; among female singers of the era (many of whom followed in her footsteps). From the outset, Nike Ardilla sex appeal was an important part of her image.When Ardilla's debut album of titled Seberkas Sinar was released in mid 1989, it entered the charts at number one and stayed there for ten weeks. Once the ubiquitous lead single died down, the album kept spinning off hits: Number one single "Seberkas Sinar," the Top 10 ballad "Cinta Pertama," and the Top 5 "Tembang Asmara." By the end of 1989. Seberkas Sinar had sold 1 million copies, and went on to sell a good three million more on top of that. Its success touched off a wave of young Lady Rocker that included Anggun C Sasmi, Poppy Mercury, Inka Christie, and Mayang sari. Nike Ardilla was a superstar, drooled over in countless magazines. By the time ...Seberkas Sinar finally started to lose steam on the singles and album charts, Nike Ardilla was ready to release her follow-up. Bintang Kehidupan appeared in the spring of 1990, and the title track was an instant smash, racing into the Top Number One. The album itself entered the charts at number one and sold over 500.000 copies in its first week of release, setting a new record for single-week sales by a female artist. Follow-up singles included "Salut," the gold-selling "Putih." A year after its release, Bintang Kehidupan had sold over two million copies. After that so many album had released such as : Nyalakan Api 1991, Matahariku 1992, Biarlah Aku Mengalah 1993, Tinggalah Aku Sendiri 1994, Biarkan Cintamu Berlalu 1994, Sandiwara Cinta 1995, etc.

Early life

Born Raden Rara Nike Ratnadilla on December 27, 1975, in Bandung, her parents were of Ciamis and Bandung stock and her father’s PJKA career meant the family moved quite a bit during her childhood. They eventually settled in Bandung, West Java, where Ardilla began performing in talent shows at the age of 5, with considerable success. She appeared on Lagu Pilihanku TVRI in 1980 (she became the 1st Champion) and in 1986 joined the cast of the film Kasmaran, which also included Ida Iasha, and Slamet Rahardjo. Ardilla played Ida Iasha's daughter.

In 1988 Ardilla starred in the movie Kabayan Saba Kota, when she recorded the single for the movie soundtrack and also appeared in the movie as a singer. Ardilla was asked to make a cameo appearance by Harry Roesly. Before the film she was on a compilation album in 1987 titled Bandung Rock Power with Nicky Astria, Mel Shandy, etc. Ardilla won Best Model Catwalk in 1988 in the "LA model Contest" in Bandung.

Music career

Deny Sabry helped her to sign a record deal with ARISTA Records. Her debut album titled Seberkas Sinar was released in the summer of 1989, and with teen-oriented pop-rock all the rage, the lead single “Seberkas Sinar” shot to the top of the charts for 10 weeks; the album also hit number one on its way to sales of over 500,000 copies in Indonesia alone.

The follow-up, “Bintang Kehidupan,” was the first number one album of the year in 1990 and Ardilla consolidated her near-instant stardom by performing at the Istana Merdeka appearing with Vina Panduwinata in the Independence Day Party and the concert in Lapangan Merdeka Malaysia, and winning a BASF Award for Best New Artist, and Best Selling Album in 1990 with sales over 2 million in Indonesia alone beating Anggun, Nicky Astria, and Iwan Fals. Further greater album sales followed when “Nyalakan Api“ won the BASF Award for best selling album in 1991 with sales over 2 million and her 4th album, “Matahariku.” In 1992 was failed to the chart, seeking a place in that year’s Film boom. Ardilla's Grandfather was an early movie star in Indonesia in 1940 called Loetung Kasarung, co-star in Ricky Nakalnya Anak Muda 1990 duet with Ryan HIdayat made this movie booming around Indonesia and became a box office hit. In the spring of 1991, Ardilla was featured — along with Dessy Ratnasari on ” Olga Sepatu Roda “, and with Ryan Hidayat : Lupus V “, and also on drama romantic movie ” cinta Anak Muda “.Ardilla was by now a fixture at music industry awards shows; as she enjoyed her celebrity,Ardila received Awards Gadis Sampul 1990 automatically it is made Ardilla as a Singer, Actrees,and also Model in the same time. When she famous goes like rocket her next studio album in fall 1993. Biarlah Aku Mengalah, which appeared in October on Music Plus, was quickly criticized for its adult yet confident approach.,and sales ran into 1.3 million copies alone in Indonesia and 3 million south east Asia, it’s mean she accepted award for best selling album at BASF Award 1993. Meanwhile she wait for next album Ardilla released best of the best Nike Ardilla with the smash-hits single Tinggal lah aku Sendiri, Ardilla Move from Billboar Record ( now EMI ) to Musica Studio’s. For the 1994 Biarkan Cintamu Berlalu, which debuted at number one on the top-chart. The album sales 1.7 million copies alone in Indonesia and made her accepted award best selling album HDX award 1994 the album was dominated music industry period 1994, the last album Sandiwara Cinta released on 1 March 1995, the single first airing on radion in late February the first version of sandiwara cinta video began airing on TV in late February 1995 she also made second version of this video ten days before she pass away directed by rizal mantovany the shooting video was unfinished because nike should be finished this video in 21 March but she died at car acciden in 19 March. 40 days after death of nike the second video version was released, it become huge succes the video featured nike in very like Marilyn Monroe her idol and this album made a history sales over 5 million alone in Indonesia and 10 million copies in South Pasific and accepted HDX award best selling album of the years, best single Deru Debu, Best Video Klip MTV Indonesia. Nike Ardilla died in March 19, 1995 by car accident. Even she died but until now her name still famous in Indonesia she become Indonesian music legend, because her popularity was soared even she died


Nike died in a car accident in Bandung on Sunday morning, March 1995, at approximately 05.30 am local time.

On the day before the accident, she met with some friends from ANEKA-YES, a popular teenage magazine, at 23.30 pm in Jayakarta Hotel Bandung to discuss the agenda for the election of cover girl and cover boy which would be held on the next day since she would become the guest star in the particular event. After the meeting she and her manager, Sofiatun, came to a night club called Pollo Club in Jl. Asia Africa at 00.30 am local time to meet with other friends. At 03.30 am, they left Pollo Club and later come to Kintamani restaurant, at 04.30 am she left the restaurant and then accompanied her friend to a hotel. She and Sofiatun left the hotel at 05.15 am to head home. She was the one behind the wheel however her car, Honda Genio D27K, was felt unstable at times. After overtaken a red car in front of her, Nike lost control and hit the fence of the wall in JL. Remartadinata Bandung. Nike dies instantly due to the serious head trauma. There were issues circulated that she was drunk or had been taking drugs at that time, but these false accusations were later denied by her family.

Thousands of fans, friends along with family came to her funeral in Bandung. Nike is buried in Ciamis, West Java on the same day whilst family, friends, fans and reporters from various televisions, radio and magazines sources gathered and mourned her death. It was reported that flow of devoted fans still come into her house until a month after her death.
[edit] Pop culture

Even she died but until now her name still famous in Indonesia she become Indonesian music legend, because her popularity was soared even she died. every year her million fans who had joined in NIKE ARDILLA FANSCLUB commemorate her death by visiting the grave and the nike ardilla museum. The lot of Indonesian media called her as "THE LEGENDARY ROCKQUEEN" or the legend of slowrock music, her fanclubs still exist since 1990, The publication of the Nike Ardilla stamp by two Russian states Abkasia and Tauva in 1996 (the stamp of the world artist among them Michael Jackson, Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley) and The appreciation from PT.POS Indonesia with the publication of the postcard and the commemorative envelope a Nike Ardilla death year in the exhibition of youth philately a world in 1996. The sale of the "Sandiwara Cinta" Album in 1995 penetrated the figure 3 million copies 900,000 copies in only 3 months. That was very fantastic for a solo singer in Indonesia. She also released album "MAMA AKU INGIN PULANG" in 1995, two months after her death which huge success despite there is only one new single, Nike recorded this song in 1993 but the song never appears in her previous album where Nike released when she still alive, in 1996 Nike released "SUARA HATI" in fact this album would be released in 1994, but Nike too busy that year where has released two albums "BIARKAN CINTAMU BERLALU" and "DURI TERLINDUNG"(for Malaysian market only) and "suara hati" album receive multiplatinum and has sold over 1 million. She also released more singles after she died like "CINTA DIANTARA KITA"(1996) a remake from her previous song "selamat jalan duka", "panggung sandiwara", copies PT. Telkomsel published the Telepon Card illustrated Nike Ardilla 2000. In 2009 musicas studios released Nike Ardilla ringbacktone album for ringbacktone sale.


Last night i went to a HERO AND VILLAIN event... well i came as THE JOKER... any resemblance? hahah... well, not quite... but i reckon it was a good effort ya!! :)

Sunday, February 21, 2010


"Seiring waktu berlalu
tangis tawa di nafasku
hitam putih di hidupku
jalani takdirku

tiada satu tersembunyi
tiada satu yang terlupa
segala apa yang terjadi
Engkaulah saksinya

Kau yang Maha Melihat
Kau yang Maha Melihat
Kau yang Maha Pemaaf
PadaMu hati bertobat

Kau yang Maha Pengasih
Kau yang Maha Penyayang
Kau yang Maha Pelindung
PadaMu semua bertekun

yang dicinta ’kan pergi
yang didamba ’kan hilang
hidup kan terus berjalan
meski penuh dengan tangisan

andai bisa ku mengulang
waktu hilang dan terbuang
andai bisa ku kembali
hapus semua pedih

andai mungkin aku bisa
kembali ulang segalanya
tapi hidup takkan bisa
meski dengan air mata"

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Well.. i am not talking about "hukum" here...... this is the song from KETIKA CINTA BERTASBIH 2... i must say a good movie... when i first watched the 1st installation i couldn't wait for the 2nd one... and well i found it today... well worth it! A very good movie... It is better than AYAT AYAT CINTA... for me la... but still both are great movie that people should watch!
here is a song by Melly... like always love Melly's song!!

"Haram haramkah aku
Bila hatiku jatuh cinta
Tuhan pegangi hatiku
Biar aku tak jadi melanggar

Aku cinta pada dirinya
Cinta pada pandangan pertama
Sifat manusia ada padaku
Aku bukan Tuhan

Haram haramkah aku
Bila aku terus menantinya
Biar waktu berakhir
Bumi dan langit berantakan

Aku tetap ingin dirimu
Tak mungkin hatiku berdusta
Hanya Tuhan yang bisa jadikan
Yang tak mungkin menjadi mungkin

Aku hanya ingin cinta yang halal
Dimata dunia juga akhirat
Biar aku sepi aku hampa aku basi
Tuhan sayang aku

Aku hanya ingin cinta yang halal
Ingin dia tentu atas izinnya
Ketika cinta bertasbih
Tuhan beri aku cinta ku menanti cinta"

Friday, January 22, 2010


Hey ppl..
as earlier i was saying that Brunei in fact is capable to produce artists of their own. As i was saying that now most of us listening to our own local artists and starting to support them. Anyhow last year i knw of this artist name Hill.. from Pelangi while i was driving while he was chosen as artist of the month for Pelangi. That he recorded a song with Samantha Mumba! i was wow... but never been able to find the song. Anyhow.. a fren recently gave me a link to his video clip... wow... i thought it was good!! come on a duet with Samantha Mumba and the clip well is brilliant and good quality. And what even amazing is that Mariah Carey had a cameo appearance in it! Well done!! Here is the link.. check it out!! ( i bet many ppl know... i m just slow! hehehe i m free now as resting so i was youtubing!
I urge u to check it out! And well... really... not even a top artist in Malaysia can get Mariah Carey to appear in their video clip!! hehehehe...

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Hi ppl,
I feel much better today and my mood appeared better as well.. i need to chill and calm... i guess it is right that i need rest, my mind n my body need it... i know i been pushing myself too much... anyhow... nothing much just at home, resting and watched the dvd that i bought before but never had the chance to watch them... ya i need it... and i decided to off my mobile even it is on... i wont entertain... i mean if it is work related...
anyhow... at the moment i been listening to local songs... must say not bad! Way to go Brunei... although sound like indonesian songs at times but great!... til later!


I just want to bring to attention here... about the title.. psychologist and counselor... i must say they are two distinct professions... psychologist are not counselor... i remember dr nadine frm my uni in oz... saying it is wrong to say that... as psychologist higher than counselor...yes psych do counsel... with therapy and treatment... call as therapist not counselor... and well when i said to ppl... i m a psychologist... ppl would be like oh kaunseling... i be like... if i can smack you i would! how degrading is that! anyhow... why i said this here is... i got applicant... whom i never know or at least have the courtesy to meet me and talk... and yet i am asked for recommendation... how can i recommend when i dont even knw the person... someone with no psych background and wanna join my unit... got master in counseling... and ppl just tot ya counseling... can buleh tu... how narrowminded... no psyc n wanna join.. Clinical Psych... WT... HR also called me and lucky HR shared my opinion... bukan apa i was told... kena attend urgently to this application (i never got any letter lang) ada org saja frwd CV thru email... (official ke tu, nda surat how to balas or reply hehehe so i didnt reply la) anyhow.. ya.. apparently family contacted Pehin la to ask so since that.. matter urgently to look into... i mean if qualified lain la... ane ermm... like i am a clinical psychologist i dont work at Physiotherapy dept... kan... anyhow..... i dont work at dental clinic... kan kan... heheh so i sound bitter here... just at times.. i am just frustrated as ppl dont knw... like i m not a psychiatrist... despite maybe ada persamaan tapi not... so likewise counselor is not psychologist... as simple as that... wat frustrated me as well... among us therapist... they also dont knw... tell you wat yg frwd me email was someone senior, a fren and therapist too... and yet that person also think counselor same as psychologist... how frustrating... ppl in our own world and area pun nda tau... let alone lay person out there!
I been given another 4 day MC... before by Dr Thazin as i was a bit asthmatic... two days rest and then when i tot i was well... i went a bit jogging... it was ok... but i didnt know... came back.., feel feverish, cold n flu... damn... so contact a fren... and given MC for 4 days... and today the whole day i was... like resting... i know i put something on my fb i wasnt thinking straight... well just for me to know... well like i say my blog is where i pour my heart... let me write here... wat happened... today went to RIPAS... to get my med n the cert... i dropped by to frwd to my kerani... but i didnt go up... fYI, my unit do have some disciplinary problem with attendance and all... but i knw we trying our best to perform here... anyhow... like always got ppl called n asked n complaint as no one around.. and well i m on MC... wat to expect... anyhow... i did ask my kerani..ada M ada keja... and she hesitated and after a while said.. "nda" ... i m like why hesitated... if out ke apa... could tell me terus wat... i wasnt satisfied... so i called H... n to be informed... "At bank.." and when i ask where M... H said... "oh ya with Me.."... and H said "Talk to u later... ask Kerani"... I was like... ya i just asked Kerani... and all she said "Nada"... wat the hell... and like... when i msg other satff... "Where"... got replied.. "Oh At computer room"... of course... i am like... the office is small... n yet asked 3 ppl 3 different answers! of course i smelled fish! one 'Nda', one kata "d bank" and one said "computer room"... when i replied back n said...weird... n said i just asked H said H with M at bank... and Kerani said "Nda"... and guess wat... the staff took about 11mins to reply... despite that the computer room is just next room.. to check wont even take 1 minute... i was fed up as no matter how hard i tried to make things better... do this rule.. make attendance...log book.... n still i cant believe ppl dont behave... and then when u tegur sikit ppl sound so offensive... its like dont ppl realise they make mistake... i knw i may not be a good head... but i m trying here... i am new... iatah wheni feel down like tis, i tot i asked opinion ke apa ke... but i dont knw why i dnt get reassurance and any assistance i need... walhal if it happened to others and they ask me i would enlightened them... bukan apa i tot two heads better than one... and like mayb i am not well i wont be thinking straight... but like i dont knw why... ppl keep looking at one flaw... u do many good n one mistake... ppl knw the mistake... i mean like M... i knw M made mistakes..a lot... but from my observation now... M is trying to make thing better... i knw not great but i salute the effort... and like i know many complaints... but most revert to M eventually... i feel sorry at times.. that ppl dont give chance if u made mistake...but i do knw at times... i m too soft.. but today i knw they something fishy... i mean even yesterday... someone told me seeing M's car at home afternoon time office hours... wat wonder me at times... ppl tip me wit tis info... wat the aim...i knw some for good... but always the bad thing saja... at times i knw my staffs dont take me serious.. they dont knw... ppl relay msg to me... even last time.... i was on leave... to the point when they referred patients to our clinic... i will know... i knw they call my clinic... n yet also they will sms me to inform me of the referrals... which was good lang as i keep track... as last time... it was good that i knw... as last time ya... if i didnt ask... no one would inform me abt the patient... and my kerani didnt write the referrals in our referral books despite kena called and my staff did see the patient. hard ya,... you may wonder why ineed to knw... i m the only clinical psych on ripas... so all patients i must knw so i can supervise them and if something not right,... i will be liable and being held responsible... thats why... none is licensed to practice aprt from me.. do i sound arrogant? i hope not but the truth... i knw i been complaining lately... i knw tis is reality... just that i feel i cant be at ease... mc ke leave ke always ada kena tfun... so today i actually off my phone.. i need rest.. am not well.... anyhow... i better get back to sleep now... til later! i hope ppl dont take it wrong... i do blogging to pour my heart out (like a diary) but i mean no harm... its like family... u get angry, argue but doesnt mean u r enemy ya... as you love each other thats why got conflict and all... as we need to adjust n compromise and also learn to knw each other...

Monday, January 18, 2010

I been given MC for 2 days... i know i am not that sick... just the throat is irritating me... a bit asthmatic and having the puff irritated my throat and causing it to sore... i took precautions but when i see Dr Tazin today... was not expecting any MC just for medications... and well Dr Tazin thought that i need rest as i appeared tired and very stress. I dont know maybe i am... i know i am tired... supervising a student now and supervising my new staffs and all administrative works. *sigh*.... maybe i need this short break... and now at home after resting, i tot lets blog!
Ya... when i checked my schedule last week... it started okay... just normal routine... MHU rounds... sent my staff and the student... and well i reviewed couple of patients in the wards... and well... afternoon... meeting for the service directory. That was monday... and did some reports and clinical notes write up. Tuesday, after allocating duties to all... i spend like from 9 til 11plus having meeting with Wan Hasliena and Sufinah for the career talk... phew... what a waste of my time really! meeting!! F*&^! and for the afternoon, attended briefing at the Health Promotion centre which took whole afternoon, was interesting but i had to leave as i have patient booked at 3.4pm... from HPC rushed back to RIPAS... ermmm....
On wednesday,i booked a couple appointments... as usual reports writing and supervising sessions with staffs and students... while waiting for patients! Patients turned late! Appointment at 9am turned at 10.45! wat the fuck! and the patient for 10am came at the same time and it was problematic. I tot as i needed to go wards i asked my junior to handle and take the case but since they are not experienced enough, i had to take the case... fear of walking! took ages to convince to even get out of the car... wanted me to consult in the car at parking lot!! WTH! came late n very problematic! and the 9am i had to turn down! and come next appointment!! thats for wasting my time! almost 2 hours late! reason... confused whose appointment! wat a reason! despite still managed to see my patients in the wards for review... and as usual afternoon, Stroke Round, mayb i was tired that i didnt listen well... 2 referrals... talking about depression and i wasnt responding when Dr Joseph talked abt it! Funny! well... after that supposed to have meeting for RIPAS gala nyte but i send my staffs... whom i was informed that they need more clear people to get involved as the one i sent seemed blurred! god ppl be more pro-active!!
Thursday... as usual... Rehab Rounds at 8am and then rushed to Obesity Clinic... had few patients... new and review and one was difficult... and took longer... almost an hour (as therapy normally just 45mins to 55mins) hehehe.... and well... afternoon... spent time at Editors Meeting with Dr Julaidi, Dr Haslinda, Dr Mawarni, Dr Alice, Burt and Lena with some administrative ppl... can you realised everyday is meeting!
And well come saturday... went MOH just to knw that meeting actually in afternoon, but i remember very well... when the person called... it was morning... went back to RIPAS and finished up some notes and reports that were pending... and well at 2pm, went MOH again just to know the meeting was canceled and postponed to Monday am... WT! waste of my time ya... back RIPAS n finished whatever needed to be finished... did the service directory editing... and ya got referral as well from ward 4.. was too tired to see, send my junior to see... n briefed b4 that...
And well... Monday first thing was meeting but i felt so tired and my throat was really irritating... so i waited for Mui and gave her all information and i left to go back to RIPAS... and looked for Dr Tazin... i know when i needed help... i m no superman! despite given MC i still managed to review 4 in-patients before heading back home. And when Dr Hjh Mawarni called in the afternoon while i was at home, i decided to ignore as i am on MC... i need my rest ppl! i just sent sms!
I just tot back ya... last week everyday without failed...meeting! and yet i still managed to supervise student and my staffs.... and i still see my out-patients and in-patients... i knw i must prioritize my patients... i dont knw... so ppl do u think i m burning out... to think about it... it is just new year!! and still nothing new about this... still the same! hehehe... k i m off to rest now again!!

First love...

I came across and thought about this.. about first love.. i reckon some are lucky to just fall in love first time n thats it... nice... well i wont talk about it... i am just wondering i know my first love.. it was SF... but i know it took ages after that... for me to like someone else... til i Met J... in Oz... and i dont knw why lately i tot of J and i m dying inside to contact or email or call J... i know J is my second love... and i knw... I always think of J... well... maybe it is the weather! hehehe ya Yus blame in on the weatherman!


A song by Raffi Ahmad And Bella...

"Ku punya dunia
Dunia ku begini
Ku punya mata
Ku punya telinga

Jangan anggap ku batu
Tak punya perasaan
Melihatmu dengannya
Aku panas

Ku punya dunia
Dunia ku begini
Ku punya hati
Punya perasaan

Coba raba batinku
Coba mataku
Melihatmu dengannya
Aku Cemburu

Cinta mengapa harus rumit
Biar begini wanita ku nanti satu
Siapa dia biar hatiku yang tahu
Ku pasti setia tapi Nanti

Cinta bisakah jadi mudah
Kau berkelana apa ku harus diam
Biar saja kita jalani masing-masing
Jodoh di tangan Tuhan
Biar saja"

Saturday, January 16, 2010


I remember last year around this time.. it was raining season and very heavy. Considered to be one of the worst in history where landslides happened here and there, and even death. These couple of days recently, it has been raining again heavily and non-stop... i just hope it wont be as bad as last year.. even now it is still raining. (p.s Pictures taken from


I got this album long ago around fasting time... when i first came back to Brunei last year, this group was so famous... ST12... nice songs indeed... and well... you know at times, i bought dvds/cds and it just lying around.. same with this ST12 'Religi' album... and recently i was listening to this album and i kinda fall in love with these two songs... entitled 'Memujamu' and 'Anugerah Ilahi' ... very catchy and very poprock!


"Bila ku lihat bintang
semua begitu indah
terbentang di langit
jika ku lihat bulan
sungguh begitu indah
membentang di langit

semua apa yang ku lihat
hanya Tuhan yang bisa
menciptakan semua
Tuhan memberi keindahan
yang terindah
seisi langit dan bumi ciptaanMu Tuhan

biarkan aku berada di sini
biar ku tahan laju angin
ajarkan aku bersujud padaMu
ajarkan aku untuk hidup
tiada tuhan selain Allah
Allahu Akbar Allah Maha Besar
ijinkan aku bersujud padaMu
ku agungkan kebesaranMu"


"Saat ku tak berdaya
terlelap dalam cinta
mungkinkah ku bertahan
jalani waktu yang indah
sudahlah memang sudah
kan ku biarkan saja
mungkin ku tak percaya
memberi arti, memberikan cinta
dalam hidup kita, ooo

bila aku terbang tinggi
dan takkan bisa terjadi
ada yang tak bisa lagi
anugerah sang Illahi
jangan kau tak rela pergi
meninggalkan cinta sejati
aku tetap jaya lagi
anugerah sang Illahi"

Friday, January 15, 2010

Just movie....

I watched this movie a couple days ago... i tot it was nice.. maybe cliche but it was fun and very good feel movie! Especially watching it alone... and at night... dark... u cant help but your mind drawn and wonder into it!

The plot:

It all started with MSN. Four teenagers making friends online, they yet haven't met, but are bound to come across each other in an unusual circumstance.

Thee(Kanin Bhatia) and Nut(Suppasit Chinwinijkul) are siblings who live in Bangkok while June(Sarocha Tanjararak) and Jane are siblings who live in Phuket. Though living in different part of the country, they know how to connect the world in their hand by chatting on MSN making friends with other people. One day, Nut, who is an online friend of Jane knocks on her door to surprise her, but this causes Thee to misunderstand that his brother might be tricked by a stranger who he met online. Then, Thee heads to Phuket to bring Nut back. While seeking Nut in Phuket, Thee meets June, the girl that he chats on MSN, but their encounter isn't much impressive which brings more problems to their complicated love.

Friday, January 8, 2010


"Bila kau bukanlah cinta sejati
mungkin aku takkan pernah mengerti
hati yg tulus setia yg indah
dan semua yg terjadi antara kita

maaf untuk semua cara yg salah
itu hanya inginku membuktikan
tiada yg lain dalam hidupku
sungguh tak ada maksud tuk menyakitimu

reff: sebentuk hatiku buat kekasihku
mengiring rinduku yg selalu untuknya
memang tak selalu ada yg terbaik
dari diri ini dan juga dirinya
namun ku yakin cinta ini takkan pernah salah"
Oh ya a couple days ago, i was at the gym while walking around bumped into this lady... whom was smiling, so well i just smiled back and she approached and we talked.. you normal talked as you are in the gym where everyone is friendly with everyone... but like the tone was like she knew me... like from work or so.. i reckon maybe one of the nurses... like how she said havent seen me around... i was like ya busy bla.. bla... and how she was like saying will be away from work for a while... we talked ... knowing me i could simply converse... but i realised after we finished i think both of us realized that we may have approached wrong person... hahahaha... as i had the look "who is she" and she had the same look "who is he" and ya after my classes there... despite we bumped into one another... she didnt talk to me again! and vice versa! ahahaha


"Akhirnya semua akan tiba pada suatu hari yg biasa
pada suatu ketika yg telah lama kita ketahui
apakah kau masih sambut dahulu memintaku minum susu
sambil membenarkan letak leher kemejaku

kabut tipis pun turun pelan-pelan di lembah kasih
lembah bandalawangi
kau dan aku tegak berdiri melihat hutan” yg menjadi suram
meresapi belaian angin yg menjadi dingin

apakah kau masih membelaiku semesra dahulu
ketika kudepak, kau dekaplah lebih mesra
lebih dekat

apakau kau masih akan berkata
kudengar dekap jantungmu
kita begitu berbeda dalam semua
kecuali dalam cinta

cahaya bulan menusukku dengan ribuan pertanyaan
yg takkan pernah aku tahu dimana jawaban itu
bagai letusan berapi bangunkan dari mimpi
sudah waktunya berdiri mencari jawaban kegelisahan hati"

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Between Love and Good Bye

I watched this movie… I thought it was really nice… it made me think about how people when relationship are so eager to say the word… love… when all in love..… all are sweet…all are nice…. But then come the good bye bit… all turned sour…. And I like the tag for the movie… CAN YOU PROMISE FOREVER?.... I know when ppl are in love… typically they will say… I will love you forever…. But always the case it is never!


Its new year already and I know I haven’t wished all ppl a very happy new year… I am not sceptical but for me it is just another day…. A day older and still many things to be done. I could still recall being a bit ‘MAD’ thinking how on earth on the 31st Dec 2009, that there were 3 meetings to attend and yet I couldn’t attend any as I already booked patients to be seen in Tutong and Belait…. Furthermore, they only informed a day before, like in Wednesday! And once phone call was like at 3plus in the afternoon! WTH! And like things like these need to be looked at and rectified.

And I feel that I need to put a stop on these problems as well… like I know I been get to involved in a lot of things…meetings la…MME la H1N1 la… and I get involved in so many multidisciplinary teams… and yet no matter how hard to try to please and make everyone happy… still people are not happy with you. Let me say here… I have to cover like MHU, Stroke, Rehab Medicine, Obesity Clinic, Cardiac Rehab, CDC, Spinal Cord team, for outpatients and inpatients, and on top of that actively involve with whatever thing like meetings for this opening, that opening, committee for service directory la, board la etc… and have to cover Tutong and Belait as well. Just imagine, I know I have staffs under me, but some cases are needed to see by me first hand and being the only qualified one under the medical services, I am up to my neck! I am getting tired and so fed up, I make one happy and make another not happy… and just recently, been invited to join the MDT for oncology as well as we see their patients as well… just imagine, clinical time and then some admin things to do…. It is so pack… and still people not please not happy…. The problem is I don’t have much time to supervise or teach fully my junior staffs… thus I need them to be more proactive etc…. it is just that being label as trainee doesn’t entitle them to make decision and all, and these people would prefer to have me rather than them. I know as being the one qualified would be the best person but like I am the only one… it is hard! Like one example, I heard when people not happy as I supplied my junior to cover me for obesity clinic… and like they were like… we keep changing ppl…. We don’t…., its myself n one of my junior… so that when I cant make it, my junior would see the patients…. Wouldn’t that be better than no one at all seeing the patients?

For MHU it is understandable that they prefer me full time but I cant commit to that… I can just get the referral and see the patients in my clinic… while for Stroke and Rehab, I think it is more to neuropsych I rather be the one who attended the team as my junior wont have a clue about neuropsych at all… it is a specialised area…. I mean like people tell me that I should understand…. More like do they understand me? Like one in a while when I need to go KB or meeting or even on leave… I wont be able to attend rounds and so forth…. Just at times, I feel time is playing a joke… when I m around for rounds… at times, no case for me. The moment I was not attending people look for you…. Phew!

I know times are so constraining… like KB day is always Thursday for me and Tutong… it coincides with Rehab round and Obesity clinic so I have to make sacrifices. In that not that I go KB very often… the most is twice a month… and like I feel Rehab or Obesity would have to understand ya… I mean like Obesity… my junior would cover… and for rehab, at times I go KB to review the rehab patients there. Agnes was arguing just now that I should have prioritize but my argument is that…. i have to be fair… once a month in KB… is that too much to ask…. And for obesity, once I told a dietician that I was gonna be on leave, the person made faces to me…. Looking spastic and sceptically like… “who will see the patients on clinic day” I was like only a day… and like there were day I am at the clinic n no patients! Don’t I deserve break? And like she was on leave as well at times and no review! Human just like that… they can do it and yet others cant! And like u do 90% good work and slip out 10% and they will talk about the 10% bad things… and forget the good work!

I know I m vending my anger out here…. I love my work… I love my patients… it is just that the system and people that you work with! Anyhow… I plan to see CEO or ACEO to ask for some advice in this manner as I need to put a stop to these…. And like I can understand and I hope ppl understand as well…

Okay forget abt it… I knw I should be recharged as I took leave before the new year…. But maybe I need more!!! Hehehe anyhow I cant wait for my next trip!! Soon!!