Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Well.. i am not talking about "hukum" here...... this is the song from KETIKA CINTA BERTASBIH 2... i must say a good movie... when i first watched the 1st installation i couldn't wait for the 2nd one... and well i found it today... well worth it! A very good movie... It is better than AYAT AYAT CINTA... for me la... but still both are great movie that people should watch!
here is a song by Melly... like always love Melly's song!!

"Haram haramkah aku
Bila hatiku jatuh cinta
Tuhan pegangi hatiku
Biar aku tak jadi melanggar

Aku cinta pada dirinya
Cinta pada pandangan pertama
Sifat manusia ada padaku
Aku bukan Tuhan

Haram haramkah aku
Bila aku terus menantinya
Biar waktu berakhir
Bumi dan langit berantakan

Aku tetap ingin dirimu
Tak mungkin hatiku berdusta
Hanya Tuhan yang bisa jadikan
Yang tak mungkin menjadi mungkin

Aku hanya ingin cinta yang halal
Dimata dunia juga akhirat
Biar aku sepi aku hampa aku basi
Tuhan sayang aku

Aku hanya ingin cinta yang halal
Ingin dia tentu atas izinnya
Ketika cinta bertasbih
Tuhan beri aku cinta ku menanti cinta"

Friday, January 22, 2010


Hey ppl..
as earlier i was saying that Brunei in fact is capable to produce artists of their own. As i was saying that now most of us listening to our own local artists and starting to support them. Anyhow last year i knw of this artist name Hill.. from Pelangi while i was driving while he was chosen as artist of the month for Pelangi. That he recorded a song with Samantha Mumba! i was wow... but never been able to find the song. Anyhow.. a fren recently gave me a link to his video clip... wow... i thought it was good!! come on a duet with Samantha Mumba and the clip well is brilliant and good quality. And what even amazing is that Mariah Carey had a cameo appearance in it! Well done!! Here is the link.. check it out!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxVqLKaEA0M)... i bet many ppl know... i m just slow! hehehe i m free now as resting so i was youtubing!
I urge u to check it out! And well... really... not even a top artist in Malaysia can get Mariah Carey to appear in their video clip!! hehehehe...

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Hi ppl,
I feel much better today and my mood appeared better as well.. i need to chill and calm... i guess it is right that i need rest, my mind n my body need it... i know i been pushing myself too much... anyhow... nothing much just at home, resting and watched the dvd that i bought before but never had the chance to watch them... ya i need it... and i decided to off my mobile even it is on... i wont entertain... i mean if it is work related...
anyhow... at the moment i been listening to local songs... must say not bad! Way to go Brunei... although sound like indonesian songs at times but great!... til later!


I just want to bring to attention here... about the title.. psychologist and counselor... i must say they are two distinct professions... psychologist are not counselor... i remember dr nadine frm my uni in oz... saying it is wrong to say that... as psychologist higher than counselor...yes psych do counsel... with therapy and treatment... call as therapist not counselor... and well when i said to ppl... i m a psychologist... ppl would be like oh kaunseling... i be like... if i can smack you i would! how degrading is that! anyhow... why i said this here is... i got applicant... whom i never know or at least have the courtesy to meet me and talk... and yet i am asked for recommendation... how can i recommend when i dont even knw the person... someone with no psych background and wanna join my unit... got master in counseling... and ppl just tot ya counseling... can buleh tu... how narrowminded... no psyc n wanna join.. Clinical Psych... WT... HR also called me and lucky HR shared my opinion... bukan apa i was told... kena attend urgently to this application (i never got any letter lang) ada org saja frwd CV thru email... (official ke tu, nda surat how to balas or reply hehehe so i didnt reply la) anyhow.. ya.. apparently family contacted Pehin la to ask so since that.. matter urgently to look into... i mean if qualified lain la... ane ermm... like i am a clinical psychologist i dont work at Physiotherapy dept... kan... anyhow..... i dont work at dental clinic... kan kan... heheh so i sound bitter here... just at times.. i am just frustrated as ppl dont knw... like i m not a psychiatrist... despite maybe ada persamaan tapi not... so likewise counselor is not psychologist... as simple as that... wat frustrated me as well... among us therapist... they also dont knw... tell you wat yg frwd me email was someone senior, a fren and therapist too... and yet that person also think counselor same as psychologist... how frustrating... ppl in our own world and area pun nda tau... let alone lay person out there!
I been given another 4 day MC... before by Dr Thazin as i was a bit asthmatic... two days rest and then when i tot i was well... i went a bit jogging... it was ok... but i didnt know... came back.., feel feverish, cold n flu... damn... so contact a fren... and given MC for 4 days... and today the whole day i was... like resting... i know i put something on my fb i wasnt thinking straight... well just for me to know... well like i say my blog is where i pour my heart... let me write here... wat happened... today went to RIPAS... to get my med n the cert... i dropped by to frwd to my kerani... but i didnt go up... fYI, my unit do have some disciplinary problem with attendance and all... but i knw we trying our best to perform here... anyhow... like always got ppl called n asked n complaint as no one around.. and well i m on MC... wat to expect... anyhow... i did ask my kerani..ada M ada keja... and she hesitated and after a while said.. "nda" ... i m like why hesitated... if out ke apa... could tell me terus wat... i wasnt satisfied... so i called H... n to be informed... "At bank.." and when i ask where M... H said... "oh ya with Me.."... and H said "Talk to u later... ask Kerani"... I was like... ya i just asked Kerani... and all she said "Nada"... wat the hell... and like... when i msg other satff... "Where"... got replied.. "Oh At computer room"... of course... i am like... the office is small... n yet asked 3 ppl 3 different answers! of course i smelled fish! one 'Nda', one kata "d bank" and one said "computer room"... when i replied back n said...weird... n said i just asked H said H with M at bank... and Kerani said "Nda"... and guess wat... the staff took about 11mins to reply... despite that the computer room is just next room.. to check wont even take 1 minute... i was fed up as no matter how hard i tried to make things better... do this rule.. make attendance...log book.... n still i cant believe ppl dont behave... and then when u tegur sikit ppl sound so offensive... its like dont ppl realise they make mistake... i knw i may not be a good head... but i m trying here... i am new... iatah wheni feel down like tis, i tot i asked opinion ke apa ke... but i dont knw why i dnt get reassurance and any assistance i need... walhal if it happened to others and they ask me i would enlightened them... bukan apa i tot two heads better than one... and like mayb i am not well i wont be thinking straight... but like i dont knw why... ppl keep looking at one flaw... u do many good n one mistake... ppl knw the mistake... i mean like M... i knw M made mistakes..a lot... but from my observation now... M is trying to make thing better... i knw not great but i salute the effort... and like i know many complaints... but most revert to M eventually... i feel sorry at times.. that ppl dont give chance if u made mistake...but i do knw at times... i m too soft.. but today i knw they something fishy... i mean even yesterday... someone told me seeing M's car at home afternoon time office hours... wat wonder me at times... ppl tip me wit tis info... wat the aim...i knw some for good... but always the bad thing saja... at times i knw my staffs dont take me serious.. they dont knw... ppl relay msg to me... even last time.... i was on leave... to the point when they referred patients to our clinic... i will know... i knw they call my clinic... n yet also they will sms me to inform me of the referrals... which was good lang as i keep track... as last time... it was good that i knw... as last time ya... if i didnt ask... no one would inform me abt the patient... and my kerani didnt write the referrals in our referral books despite kena called and my staff did see the patient. hard ya,... you may wonder why ineed to knw... i m the only clinical psych on ripas... so all patients i must knw so i can supervise them and if something not right,... i will be liable and being held responsible... thats why... none is licensed to practice aprt from me.. do i sound arrogant? i hope not but the truth... i knw i been complaining lately... i knw tis is reality... just that i feel i cant be at ease... mc ke leave ke always ada kena tfun... so today i actually off my phone.. i need rest.. am not well.... anyhow... i better get back to sleep now... til later! i hope ppl dont take it wrong... i do blogging to pour my heart out (like a diary) but i mean no harm... its like family... u get angry, argue but doesnt mean u r enemy ya... as you love each other thats why got conflict and all... as we need to adjust n compromise and also learn to knw each other...

Monday, January 18, 2010

I been given MC for 2 days... i know i am not that sick... just the throat is irritating me... a bit asthmatic and having the puff irritated my throat and causing it to sore... i took precautions but when i see Dr Tazin today... was not expecting any MC just for medications... and well Dr Tazin thought that i need rest as i appeared tired and very stress. I dont know maybe i am... i know i am tired... supervising a student now and supervising my new staffs and all administrative works. *sigh*.... maybe i need this short break... and now at home after resting, i tot lets blog!
Ya... when i checked my schedule last week... it started okay... just normal routine... MHU rounds... sent my staff and the student... and well i reviewed couple of patients in the wards... and well... afternoon... meeting for the service directory. That was monday... and did some reports and clinical notes write up. Tuesday, after allocating duties to all... i spend like from 9 til 11plus having meeting with Wan Hasliena and Sufinah for the career talk... phew... what a waste of my time really! meeting!! F*&^! and for the afternoon, attended briefing at the Health Promotion centre which took whole afternoon, was interesting but i had to leave as i have patient booked at 3.4pm... from HPC rushed back to RIPAS... ermmm....
On wednesday,i booked a couple appointments... as usual reports writing and supervising sessions with staffs and students... while waiting for patients! Patients turned late! Appointment at 9am turned at 10.45! wat the fuck! and the patient for 10am came at the same time and it was problematic. I tot as i needed to go wards i asked my junior to handle and take the case but since they are not experienced enough, i had to take the case... fear of walking! took ages to convince to even get out of the car... wanted me to consult in the car at parking lot!! WTH! came late n very problematic! and the 9am i had to turn down! and come next appointment!! thats for wasting my time! almost 2 hours late! reason... confused whose appointment! wat a reason! despite still managed to see my patients in the wards for review... and as usual afternoon, Stroke Round, mayb i was tired that i didnt listen well... 2 referrals... talking about depression and i wasnt responding when Dr Joseph talked abt it! Funny! well... after that supposed to have meeting for RIPAS gala nyte but i send my staffs... whom i was informed that they need more clear people to get involved as the one i sent seemed blurred! god ppl be more pro-active!!
Thursday... as usual... Rehab Rounds at 8am and then rushed to Obesity Clinic... had few patients... new and review and one was difficult... and took longer... almost an hour (as therapy normally just 45mins to 55mins) hehehe.... and well... afternoon... spent time at Editors Meeting with Dr Julaidi, Dr Haslinda, Dr Mawarni, Dr Alice, Burt and Lena with some administrative ppl... can you realised everyday is meeting!
And well come saturday... went MOH just to knw that meeting actually in afternoon, but i remember very well... when the person called... it was morning... went back to RIPAS and finished up some notes and reports that were pending... and well at 2pm, went MOH again just to know the meeting was canceled and postponed to Monday am... WT! waste of my time ya... back RIPAS n finished whatever needed to be finished... did the service directory editing... and ya got referral as well from ward 4.. was too tired to see, send my junior to see... n briefed b4 that...
And well... Monday first thing was meeting but i felt so tired and my throat was really irritating... so i waited for Mui and gave her all information and i left to go back to RIPAS... and looked for Dr Tazin... i know when i needed help... i m no superman! despite given MC i still managed to review 4 in-patients before heading back home. And when Dr Hjh Mawarni called in the afternoon while i was at home, i decided to ignore as i am on MC... i need my rest ppl! i just sent sms!
I just tot back ya... last week everyday without failed...meeting! and yet i still managed to supervise student and my staffs.... and i still see my out-patients and in-patients... i knw i must prioritize my patients... i dont knw... so ppl do u think i m burning out... to think about it... it is just new year!! and still nothing new about this... still the same! hehehe... k i m off to rest now again!!

First love...

I came across and thought about this.. about first love.. i reckon some are lucky to just fall in love first time n thats it... nice... well i wont talk about it... i am just wondering i know my first love.. it was SF... but i know it took ages after that... for me to like someone else... til i Met J... in Oz... and i dont knw why lately i tot of J and i m dying inside to contact or email or call J... i know J is my second love... and i knw... I always think of J... well... maybe it is the weather! hehehe ya Yus blame in on the weatherman!


A song by Raffi Ahmad And Bella...

"Ku punya dunia
Dunia ku begini
Ku punya mata
Ku punya telinga

Jangan anggap ku batu
Tak punya perasaan
Melihatmu dengannya
Aku panas

Ku punya dunia
Dunia ku begini
Ku punya hati
Punya perasaan

Coba raba batinku
Coba mataku
Melihatmu dengannya
Aku Cemburu

Cinta mengapa harus rumit
Biar begini wanita ku nanti satu
Siapa dia biar hatiku yang tahu
Ku pasti setia tapi Nanti

Cinta bisakah jadi mudah
Kau berkelana apa ku harus diam
Biar saja kita jalani masing-masing
Jodoh di tangan Tuhan
Biar saja"

Saturday, January 16, 2010


I remember last year around this time.. it was raining season and very heavy. Considered to be one of the worst in history where landslides happened here and there, and even death. These couple of days recently, it has been raining again heavily and non-stop... i just hope it wont be as bad as last year.. even now it is still raining. (p.s Pictures taken from www.ranoadidas.com)


I got this album long ago around fasting time... when i first came back to Brunei last year, this group was so famous... ST12... nice songs indeed... and well... you know at times, i bought dvds/cds and it just lying around.. same with this ST12 'Religi' album... and recently i was listening to this album and i kinda fall in love with these two songs... entitled 'Memujamu' and 'Anugerah Ilahi' ... very catchy and very poprock!


"Bila ku lihat bintang
semua begitu indah
terbentang di langit
jika ku lihat bulan
sungguh begitu indah
membentang di langit

semua apa yang ku lihat
hanya Tuhan yang bisa
menciptakan semua
Tuhan memberi keindahan
yang terindah
seisi langit dan bumi ciptaanMu Tuhan

biarkan aku berada di sini
biar ku tahan laju angin
ajarkan aku bersujud padaMu
ajarkan aku untuk hidup
tiada tuhan selain Allah
Allahu Akbar Allah Maha Besar
ijinkan aku bersujud padaMu
ku agungkan kebesaranMu"


"Saat ku tak berdaya
terlelap dalam cinta
mungkinkah ku bertahan
jalani waktu yang indah
sudahlah memang sudah
kan ku biarkan saja
mungkin ku tak percaya
memberi arti, memberikan cinta
dalam hidup kita, ooo

bila aku terbang tinggi
dan takkan bisa terjadi
ada yang tak bisa lagi
anugerah sang Illahi
jangan kau tak rela pergi
meninggalkan cinta sejati
aku tetap jaya lagi
anugerah sang Illahi"

Friday, January 15, 2010

Just movie....

I watched this movie a couple days ago... i tot it was nice.. maybe cliche but it was fun and very good feel movie! Especially watching it alone... and at night... dark... u cant help but your mind drawn and wonder into it!

The plot:

It all started with MSN. Four teenagers making friends online, they yet haven't met, but are bound to come across each other in an unusual circumstance.

Thee(Kanin Bhatia) and Nut(Suppasit Chinwinijkul) are siblings who live in Bangkok while June(Sarocha Tanjararak) and Jane are siblings who live in Phuket. Though living in different part of the country, they know how to connect the world in their hand by chatting on MSN making friends with other people. One day, Nut, who is an online friend of Jane knocks on her door to surprise her, but this causes Thee to misunderstand that his brother might be tricked by a stranger who he met online. Then, Thee heads to Phuket to bring Nut back. While seeking Nut in Phuket, Thee meets June, the girl that he chats on MSN, but their encounter isn't much impressive which brings more problems to their complicated love.

Friday, January 8, 2010


"Bila kau bukanlah cinta sejati
mungkin aku takkan pernah mengerti
hati yg tulus setia yg indah
dan semua yg terjadi antara kita

maaf untuk semua cara yg salah
itu hanya inginku membuktikan
tiada yg lain dalam hidupku
sungguh tak ada maksud tuk menyakitimu

reff: sebentuk hatiku buat kekasihku
mengiring rinduku yg selalu untuknya
memang tak selalu ada yg terbaik
dari diri ini dan juga dirinya
namun ku yakin cinta ini takkan pernah salah"
Oh ya a couple days ago, i was at the gym while walking around bumped into this lady... whom was smiling, so well i just smiled back and she approached and we talked.. you normal talked as you are in the gym where everyone is friendly with everyone... but like the tone was like she knew me... like from work or so.. i reckon maybe one of the nurses... like how she said havent seen me around... i was like ya busy bla.. bla... and how she was like saying will be away from work for a while... we talked ... knowing me i could simply converse... but i realised after we finished i think both of us realized that we may have approached wrong person... hahahaha... as i had the look "who is she" and she had the same look "who is he" and ya after my classes there... despite we bumped into one another... she didnt talk to me again! and vice versa! ahahaha


"Akhirnya semua akan tiba pada suatu hari yg biasa
pada suatu ketika yg telah lama kita ketahui
apakah kau masih sambut dahulu memintaku minum susu
sambil membenarkan letak leher kemejaku

kabut tipis pun turun pelan-pelan di lembah kasih
lembah bandalawangi
kau dan aku tegak berdiri melihat hutan” yg menjadi suram
meresapi belaian angin yg menjadi dingin

apakah kau masih membelaiku semesra dahulu
ketika kudepak, kau dekaplah lebih mesra
lebih dekat

apakau kau masih akan berkata
kudengar dekap jantungmu
kita begitu berbeda dalam semua
kecuali dalam cinta

cahaya bulan menusukku dengan ribuan pertanyaan
yg takkan pernah aku tahu dimana jawaban itu
bagai letusan berapi bangunkan dari mimpi
sudah waktunya berdiri mencari jawaban kegelisahan hati"

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Between Love and Good Bye

I watched this movie… I thought it was really nice… it made me think about how people when relationship are so eager to say the word… love… when all in love..… all are sweet…all are nice…. But then come the good bye bit… all turned sour…. And I like the tag for the movie… CAN YOU PROMISE FOREVER?.... I know when ppl are in love… typically they will say… I will love you forever…. But always the case it is never!


Its new year already and I know I haven’t wished all ppl a very happy new year… I am not sceptical but for me it is just another day…. A day older and still many things to be done. I could still recall being a bit ‘MAD’ thinking how on earth on the 31st Dec 2009, that there were 3 meetings to attend and yet I couldn’t attend any as I already booked patients to be seen in Tutong and Belait…. Furthermore, they only informed a day before, like in Wednesday! And once phone call was like at 3plus in the afternoon! WTH! And like things like these need to be looked at and rectified.

And I feel that I need to put a stop on these problems as well… like I know I been get to involved in a lot of things…meetings la…MME la H1N1 la… and I get involved in so many multidisciplinary teams… and yet no matter how hard to try to please and make everyone happy… still people are not happy with you. Let me say here… I have to cover like MHU, Stroke, Rehab Medicine, Obesity Clinic, Cardiac Rehab, CDC, Spinal Cord team, for outpatients and inpatients, and on top of that actively involve with whatever thing like meetings for this opening, that opening, committee for service directory la, board la etc… and have to cover Tutong and Belait as well. Just imagine, I know I have staffs under me, but some cases are needed to see by me first hand and being the only qualified one under the medical services, I am up to my neck! I am getting tired and so fed up, I make one happy and make another not happy… and just recently, been invited to join the MDT for oncology as well as we see their patients as well… just imagine, clinical time and then some admin things to do…. It is so pack… and still people not please not happy…. The problem is I don’t have much time to supervise or teach fully my junior staffs… thus I need them to be more proactive etc…. it is just that being label as trainee doesn’t entitle them to make decision and all, and these people would prefer to have me rather than them. I know as being the one qualified would be the best person but like I am the only one… it is hard! Like one example, I heard when people not happy as I supplied my junior to cover me for obesity clinic… and like they were like… we keep changing ppl…. We don’t…., its myself n one of my junior… so that when I cant make it, my junior would see the patients…. Wouldn’t that be better than no one at all seeing the patients?

For MHU it is understandable that they prefer me full time but I cant commit to that… I can just get the referral and see the patients in my clinic… while for Stroke and Rehab, I think it is more to neuropsych I rather be the one who attended the team as my junior wont have a clue about neuropsych at all… it is a specialised area…. I mean like people tell me that I should understand…. More like do they understand me? Like one in a while when I need to go KB or meeting or even on leave… I wont be able to attend rounds and so forth…. Just at times, I feel time is playing a joke… when I m around for rounds… at times, no case for me. The moment I was not attending people look for you…. Phew!

I know times are so constraining… like KB day is always Thursday for me and Tutong… it coincides with Rehab round and Obesity clinic so I have to make sacrifices. In that not that I go KB very often… the most is twice a month… and like I feel Rehab or Obesity would have to understand ya… I mean like Obesity… my junior would cover… and for rehab, at times I go KB to review the rehab patients there. Agnes was arguing just now that I should have prioritize but my argument is that…. i have to be fair… once a month in KB… is that too much to ask…. And for obesity, once I told a dietician that I was gonna be on leave, the person made faces to me…. Looking spastic and sceptically like… “who will see the patients on clinic day” I was like only a day… and like there were day I am at the clinic n no patients! Don’t I deserve break? And like she was on leave as well at times and no review! Human just like that… they can do it and yet others cant! And like u do 90% good work and slip out 10% and they will talk about the 10% bad things… and forget the good work!

I know I m vending my anger out here…. I love my work… I love my patients… it is just that the system and people that you work with! Anyhow… I plan to see CEO or ACEO to ask for some advice in this manner as I need to put a stop to these…. And like I can understand and I hope ppl understand as well…

Okay forget abt it… I knw I should be recharged as I took leave before the new year…. But maybe I need more!!! Hehehe anyhow I cant wait for my next trip!! Soon!!