Friday, September 23, 2011

hi... i got my appraisal yesterday. I wont comment much on it as i knew i would do good... yes i got 93%... in the excellent group. What i wanted to say here is the comment and discussion made. It was funny that i had to hear all in front of others. Ermm... last year too.
well among the comment was i was too loose. I am not a strict leader. indeed in some point i think i am that. I will make changes to that to be a better leader. and how we are said to cover each other asses. Well i admit i do come late to work like 8 plus but i never go out to lunch where i spent my time eating in my office and do all the write up n reports writing so it like give and take and i do come in friday or sunday to work whenever they need me.
and one more thing that really kind of me wonder me or even pissed me off... 'to beautify' our psychology clinic... it is an old run down building.... and well i was told not to 'meminta all the time' or 'mengharap' and do like Rose Lim... ask for sponsor... are we even allowed to do that. like ask sponsor for things in our clinic? assessment tools? table chairs? and wat charity bodies or banks i would approach? and in return what would they get for getting us all the things we want? would office in JPA ask for sponsor to beautify their building or offices like table paints chairs? and let me tell you this.. the current place i am having... i can tell 90% are our own things... 100% of the neuropsychological assessments tools are mine personally.... and clinical psych things are all our own... so in wat way 'meminta' all the time when we are never even given any to start of with and expected to be the very best in return. Hello... no incentives! and well how we would boost our motivation to give the best!
and yes when i was told how lucky CPD to be given sponsor to attend courses the whole time... let me tell u this... never! only M & H ever go. And no query if M applies... look at it now... H applies without M... queries all over. To say that... my god... i have never been. Yes it appeared that i attended courses here and there... yes i did on my own expenses!! i been working since 2004 not once i ever been sent to attend courses or seminar.... and how on earth you said i am lucky as i been sponsored... yes you may have signed my application but at the end of the day it all were rejected okay....
okay enough said.... but bottom line... i am frustrated... i dont knw til when i would endure this.... although in my head not even 5 years i be gone from here!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I am about to sleep... being the nosy i am hahaha... okay few matters i want to comment here:
1. Nelly's tweeter... seriously i dont think he meant harm... it was just tweeter where you tweet... and when he said 50% of crowd cant speak English... well maybe it was just a spontaneous thought where he was amazed despite English is not the main language the audience was great... able to sing along with him... wasn't that a compliment? People normally see the bad side... Yes no offence i think not a lot of people in Malaysia could master the English Language well.. but this is not to say they are not able... not all okay... i knw some are good but not all... when someone mentioned that 90% or even stating almost 100% Malaysian do speak English i think that statement is overrated... Seriously... Siti Nurhaliza herself cant speak English well! Thats just an example okay... dont take offence ya.... and well.. i was not pleased when a tweeter person called Nelly... N*&^%... that is offensive ok! No one can tolerate that okay... well... this is just my thought okay...
2. About the movie 'Hantu Bonceng' where it was labeled as the most high gross income movie during the festive raya season in history... i watched that movie with a friend... i thought the movie was shallow.. and YES... i am not religious but i did find the movie as offensive for muslims! I am very open minded... i thought DOGMA was hillarious despite i know it was offensive for christians... but the movie was mainly for entertainment value... but this Malay movie was meant to be comedy with messages... good messages (Konon!) and yet i tot it was a lame movie and making joke about religion... very shallow... and when i read about the mistake about the verse offending the prophet... i was like wow... and for the director to state not to make it big deal... erm.... it is a big deal... imagine it is done by foreigners... wouldnt ppl in Malaysia would want to hunt down the maker... riot even main political parties in the country would comment something... or come up and be a hero depending the dignity and integrity of Islam... well yes not big deal i reckon.. it is just movie... like i said i m just blogging here.... and i always wonder why good movie in Malaysia... never well accepted while crap movies got all the attention... erm... come on... i want more Shuhaimi Baba... movies with intellectual things in it.... not just random gangster!
3. Well... one statement i must say... Indonesia makes the best religion-based movie... Ayat-Ayat Cinta may not be great but it was good start... followed by Ketika Cinta Bertasbih, Syahadat Cinta, Mak ingin Naik Haji... stating a few... and last that i know of was Dalam Mihrab Cinta... all brilliant... and sorry Malay movie none close to any of these... well i salute Surga Cinta for effort and Well sadly Nurkasih The movie... failed in many ways.... and well... new one... I just found out new religion-based movie is releasing soon.... Di Bawah Lindungan Ka'bah... looked amazing!

okay... dah cukup dah la saya membebel... surely ada yg marah ne hahahah well like i said i wrote wat i have in mind... i mean no harm.... i may not be right the whole time... but all my thoughts saja.... :)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

my Travel plan

erm... i knw this is ahead... well... my plan.... next few weeks i b in KL... n then followed few weeks after that to HK..... n well... in between would have my GO/FR thing and well.... hope i can do it... or else resit hahaha... and well Dec... i cant go to UK to join the pokerface.... well plan to go Jakarta with Amal..... and then back n would be ready to go to Korea in February...
April... last yr was in OZ... no plan yet mayb Bangkok... and summer is the tricky bit.... UK/Seychelles/Adelaide... erm..... all before puasa.... and well if d izinkan... i wanna go Umrah.... well tis all just plan hehehe
was looking at Dr Lin blog... entitle guy + Tatoo = HOT... hahahah erm.... seriously i wanted one hahahah ppl out there would kill me i know hahahaha
wow... a bit tired...i felt like i was running here n there... i just called in to ward 19 saying i am not able to review the patient and the patient would be discharged tomorrow... and well i would see before the discharge tomorrow. Nah... i mean i have errands this afternoon... and i been working early... seeing outpatients.. and before JPMC, was called to emergency to see case there and once done... rushed off to JPMC and reviewed patients there... and was back around 12noon to go to OT open clinic... and well after that spent my time in my office doing reports and pending write-up and yes it is just half a day today... what a long day! :)
Anyhow... i have decided to go for the symposium in KL... as i needed to get away frm here as well.... sigh... tiring....
oh Ya yesterday... my syg told me again that my ex wrote that i am a whore... hahahah plss like i said before... get a life n move on..... god i must have hurt u in such a way that til now still grudge towards me.. i tot well i knew i ended it but i tot that what you wanted.... i remember very well... 'sorry i am taken'... thats wat u said to me... and i accepted that and now i m happier.... why u still mad at me.... Karma i reckon hahhaah....
by the way... i gained weight.... argghhhh.... post op til now i been doing less exercise damn no... i will lose it!!!! hahahahaha

Monday, September 19, 2011

hi it has been a while... raya was around and well like i said before... feeling was not there... i did go beraya and funny without failed... i see my pokerface frens everyday... funny and yes we are closer than ever... and thus why when few were leaving... the rest had adjustment to do hehehe...
anyhow... nothing much really... i am happy with my life... with my syg...
And i knw this should not bother me... but i just want to say... i hope my ex would move on and stop slandering. Serious i dont know what the hell is your problem... cant see others happy... u chose ur path and i chose mine and well i knw mine was brilliant as seriously i am so over you already and i am in happier place... but do u have to mess my life... well not that it works... as well people whom know me wont fall easily to the BS that u said abt me. You called me "P*&^%$" before and yet you paraded pixs of u with a bunch of drags hahaha look who was talking.... and said i spread rumours... phew.... seriously u owe me a lot... lets just leave that to that... and u spread ceta so my syg hear abt it hahah well we arent stupid.... i am hiding? Hey knw where i live... where i work and from my FB wherever i am... i let the world know... thats not hiding! BS again... anyhow... i just hope you get into ur senses... it has been almost 5 months since we broke up .... plss la get a life.... why filled ur FB walls abt me... when in the first place... u claimed to others that u didnt even know me.... so incongruent.... hahahah... at least ppl know who you are now!
Okay i will stop mentioning about you as i knw i should concentrate on my life... with my fab frens etc... ciao for now... tata titi tutu....

Monday, September 5, 2011


Looking at the heading… still hang up about ur ex… I am not talking about myself. I am so over mine. Never think back or look back. Anyhow, I am writing this to tell a person how I feel about this matter. I do understand the problem and the pain after a break up.. For me, it is a break up not break down! Anyhow… let me tell you this… I used to have one experience… I think it was back in 2005 or 2006, I used to go out with this girl… yes we were dating. Things were okay at first until I smelled something not right. Something fishy. Okay… I realised that she was not over her ex. Despite the claim that she broke up with her bf like a year already but she still kept checking her phone etc. And well… good thing I found out about it. We talked about and she assured me that I was her bf. Her heart and mind were for me (fcuking lame!). Well, can’t blame her too… we didn’t go out for a long time. This started like in our 2nd month relationship and then it came ramadhan and Eid Mubarak. And things started to get ugly or I started to rethink of the relationship as when we met and out for date, all she asked was about her ex. Telling me about her ex … ex and ex. And she did note that I wasn’t pleased. So it did cause us friction and well I was just giving us chances and more chances. Anyhow… I still remember it was one day in Eid Mubarak where I told her that I needed to be with my guy friends for Raya gathering at this lady whom we used to go to same University with. I remember I went out with Amir and Haji Lihan to Kak Weeja house for Leeds ppl get together. And I specifically told her not to disturb me (as she been suffocating me, I was her bf and yet she complaint about her ex most of the time) I mean it was just wrong, I was supposedly the one she was currently dating and she still got angry and complaint to me about her ex bf. Just try to put u ppl in my shoes how would u feel. I had limit in my patience as well. Okay for the certain time, before I went out, she was like ‘kusut’ about me going out with my guy friends as normally everyday she would want to spend it with me.. Everyday I fetched her home from work and any errands I would be there for her. So that night, I been harassed by her texts and eventually she called. I ignored and even off my mobile. Once I on it, she would call me again and for once, my friends were like ‘just pick it up’. So I did… to my horror… even before I said anything, she said “I am crying, my ex called me… I feel so hurt”. I was like you moron…. I exploded and very angry and off my mobile. What happened after that, I ignored all her calls and texts…. And yes I left her! Haiza knew of this… even Mawar. I left her as she was still hang up about her ex and I felt that it was wrong for her to do that to me. I was her bf and yet she talked and complaint about her ex! Well we only went out 3 months (for note, soon after that I left for Oz) and she had her own life.
Okay you must be wondering why I am writing this… this was like few years ago… the reason is that you… you know who you are… you are doing this to me…. I know I did say I am very understanding but there is limit to my understanding. You are repeating what she did to me. If I am your bf… would it be fair that you kept talking about ur ex bf… mood down thinking about ur ex… not happy and everything all about ur ex…. I was already sceptical with our long distance relationship but yes I do like you a lot so I gave it a go but with you behaving that way and all about ur ex… I for once… am not sure… and well u were the one who texted me and said you wanted to be friend. And I did say I was okay with it…. n I am so sorry if I wasn’t like before in keeping in touch with you as I knew I did my part in our relationship to keep in touch etc…. before I was always the first for u… even u with your friends… without failed u would still entertain me. I thought of it.. yes we are better of being friend and I do hope you understand. I did tell you… I analysed all… you still hang up about ur ex bf… n despite you said you love me… I am your rare jewel… but if I am all that, you would not be bothered or affected by your ex. You would not posed as someone else to dig out stories about him. I know you needed answers and all… but it all showed that you are not over him. So I am sorry… I don’t want to be hurt too… I knew you told me that when you met me you just broke up like a week with him. I could understand that and I even said that to you… I was your rebound. When I met you too… I just broke up few months but at least I knew I was over my ex. So I am sorry to write this but I just feel you need to know. I know I am very understanding and all but I still have my own feeling. Seriously… it did hurt me. How would you expect me to say or behave when you told me about how ur ex treated you… this and that. I stopped calling as I didn’t want to waste it to listen about you and your ex while by right we are supposedly going out. Sorry…. I think we are better off being friend. And do not blame me as I am honestly telling you here…. Someone else attract my attention. Like you said I deserve happiness too. I don’t want you to think that I was not loyal to you. I only paid attention to this person after you sent me the texts on my phone about being friend (that time all used to be nice n sweet between us, to receive that, i was stunned, no warning and i had to swallow them all). N you admitted to me that you still have him in your heart. Some of your messages did hurt me. I am sorry… I knew you said last two nights that you sorted out your mind… and you did say deep down… it was me… deep down…. But the surface is someone else. I don’t think I could live with that and put on my pokerface as if all is okay with me. Sorry…. You have to know this way. I don’t want to add more sadness to you but I think this is the best for us. I don’t want us to hurt each other. And I don’t want to hurt me.
And for this new person… I am thankful and I know I am clear about my feeling about you. Maybe we are not in cloud nine entirely but I have to say… I am liking you a lot and I can’t deny that I am starting to fall in love with you. And one thing I ask of you… if you read this… be clear of what you want… you did say you love me a lot… thank you for that… but please be sure of it… before we got further and once you want this to happen, I would definitely demand your commitment. If you ever have doubt… please tell me and do not start anything with me. Like I said… it is hard for me to open my heart for love… and i am willing to do that for you... so better be clear with me.... before you hurt me too...