Today... the Psychologist from both Medical and Health came together in giving me a surprised Advance Bday Celebration as i will be away from Brunei during my Bday... i was kinda expecting it and just play along. It was so nto subtle when Hani asked me for lunch today hahahaha...... Normally i am good at giving other surprises.... but no one ever surprised me as i normally good at detecting it! After all... i am clinical psychologist ahhahah.....
For the certain and i wish this will be my last talking about this friend. Yes its you AS... for the certain times and lately... seriously you are fucking annoying... and really pissed me off. I know it has been for the long i know you. You are a person i think do not have the capacity to think.... and if i do neuropsych assessment on you i know u may reveal some disorder to me.. as all these time.. we all suspected that you have some sort of personality disorder... you are fucking not young... do something and get $$$ and some earning for crying out loud... for you... you are the victim... you cant be wrong... its others... in your life always blaming others but yourself! You said Amal not dependent but trust me she is better than you in many ways... we all not perfect but seriously you are among the worst person i have known. You said something about my friend Hanif... but seriously you are just the same... maybe even worse... i know for many time... and for certain times, i am being a friend and hence maybe i dont be harsh and let you be but it has to stop....
The latest antic you did... make me wonder as i think this would be last that i wanna be in touch with you as i had enough of you. You are just a spoilt brat all in bad ways... not even all that...
Yes... you have no principle for yourself... cant think for yourself... and well you dont even know how to deal with thing... i wont mind you cancel the trip last minute but like asking me this n that... hey u made the decision, deal with it... be responsible for it... why even bother asked me how to get refund etc but you didnt even care about other things... plan etc and like the hotel booked under my name! no wonder like i said on my FB... you are just a piece of shit!
And messaging ppl with the word 'haha'.... wat so funny about it... NOTHING LA MORON!
And so... maybe it is a bless as i think if you have joined us in this trip i would be ended up paying for most of your expenses anyhow like transport and food! okay la good bye Moron!
After the WHD in KB... i tot why not i crossed over to Miri and spent the night. So i did. I went with Christina... initial plan was i supposed to go with Danny as well but he had to work last minute. Damn as i know i would have so much fun with him if he came along... anyhow just chill... eat and fun mainly!
I went on HSBC WRC last night. It was awesome. I was impressed that my cousin/uncle Danny was so fit... he was able to catch up with me running. The event was nice and i was happy to do the running... we did 11km... and we finished 1hr 15mins which was such an achievement!
After dinner, i didnt know where to go and i wanted to chill. So i decided just to go Zest for a chill session, Yup today i was just having a quality time with myself... and well i had this White Chocolate Passion Fruit cake... while having my usual Teh Tarik... :)
I was craving for noodle hence i went with a friend to a Vietnamese foodstall at Times Square. I had this Chicken Noodle Soup. I like it as so healthy although i must say it was not that authentic as i tasted the original Vietnamese noodle soup before. kieu's family own a restaurant in Oz and i normally eat there at least once a week. But well better than nothing ya and i do like this one too.
I just finished watching this movie "MY WAY". My expression oh my god... awesome and i cried watching it. Although it may not be the same as "TAE GUK GI" but still in the same league. Jang Dong Gun is such a terrific actor and well i been always a big fan of Joe Ogadiri (an actor from Shinobi)... aweome and so so great. I know few media in Msia slammed and criticized the movie as being too much too hard trying to be Hollywood! But nah i saw those comments with green hahahaha.....
The plot is as such... In colonial era Seoul, 1938, two young men have had a strong sense of rivalry since they were young. Joon-sik (Jang Dong-gun) is a Korean man who dreams of following in the footsteps of Olympic marathon gold medal winner Sohn Kee-chung. Tatsuo (Joe Odagiri) is a top Japanese marathon runner and lived with Joon-sik as his family worked for Tatsuo's as servants. They grew up as rivals representing their respective countries.
One day, Joon-sik falls into trouble and is conscripted into the Japanese army. One year later, Joon-sik faces Tatsuo who is now a captain for the Japanese Imperial Army. The two young men are now caught in World War II and go through countless battles starting from Nomonhan, stretching from China, the Soviet Union and Germany, while inspiring hope in each other.
Seriously the friendship was great, despite no emphasize no melodrama etc but i felt it! Oh my god....
These few days i been asked for favours from many ppl. It involves cutting queue for emergency, CC, $$ and shoulders etc. I wonder why when i analyzed that ppl do look for me when it is times of need.... but when it comes to me.... seriously normally i only have myself to depend on.... although normally i only ppl to listen a while so i can vent things out but not lots willing.... 'sigh'
This morning i felt that i did not want to be that early to office and so i was just lazying around in my room. I was up about 6am and about 7am, my phone rang. I did not want to pick it. From a friend and i read my whatsapp, my friend did text me up. Asking for favour. In my head must be MC. So i chatted up. Yes needed favour whether i could help in jumping or cutting the queue at A&E. I could actually but like i am not at Hospital yet and it is like 7am too early and by then we be busy with rounds and all and i was not at work yet. If i got ready etc... by 8am and by then too late. So i said i could get the Med and MC and just rest. Apparently not for my friend, for a family whom happened to have an interview at 7.30am. I was like that was new. For me just go interview and for med i will forward later. Just weird. If it is me, i would just go the interview. I mean if given MC would that exempt the person from being interview. For me just go as it is such a waste if kena blacklist or unable to get the job.
I got a sms... it stated that whether i am okay to give a presentation this thursday. It was frm my staff was stated also that Dr Thazin had mentioned it to Hani and Hani has forgotten to inform me. This is so last minute and Thursday is the day i am not even in RIPAS. My staff till now no idea or pretended not to understand. And it is last minute and i have booked patients to see at Tutong Hospital as well as NCC... so my answer would be no. Wont cancel just for a pity talk!
Wah i was browsing through youtube and found one movie. Well it is not mainstream movie and well... more to arts i must say and guess what i cried watching it. One part or one couple in there, i just dont know why i could relate! and damn i was crying. When i am ready i will tell you the title of that movie.
I am not sure that i am back to my depression period again. I feel so lonely here. I want to go back to Adelaide badly... i know i be lonely there but may as well being lonely there than here. I am tired with everything here. I felt at times i have no one to turn to. Maybe it is me as i expect too much at times. Of all places i have stayed... Cork, Ireland... Leeds, UK and Adelaide, OZ... my sense of belonging is more to Adelaide....
Really... i am not sure that this is a good thing. I was in touch with an ex well i wont say it is an ex as i saw this person while i was in a relationship (sounded so bad) and i was honest with the person. I was with Q when i saw this other person Z. And i was honest with Z that i was with Q. And well i broke up with Q and i thought it was a wrong time to start anything with Z then as i was not sure. Well lately, someone brought up about Z and well i kinda msg Z. And now Z kept watsapping and asked me out and Z wanted us to get back together. I am not sure really.
Wah... today is saturday and very tiring. I started the day with meeting with the BAHPC gang... from 8am til lunch time! Mati yo... headache berabis.... then tot went to Times Square to have the Viet Food but again it was closed.
Back to office this pm... i dont have the energy to see patients... so i spent doing reports and teaching the new staffs!
I am not into car but i love mini. Hehehehe this belongs to my cousin. Someone wanted to buy it as it is a classic car but he refused to sell it. If he wants, i don't mind getting it furthermore he is not in Brunei.. work abroad for many years already hehehe....
Something funny happened last night. I was kinda bored about 2am and i watched this telemovie entitled "Dendam Sundel Bolong" Astro production acted by Didie Alias. Funny i was hungry and wanted to go down and cook indomee... guess what i couldnt pass the living room which was dark to go kitchen hahaha all in my head.. mlm jumaat ghost hahahaha and i went back to room and slept with hungry stomach! hahahaha
I took this picture yesterday. Look nice huh hahha.... anyhow... this was like around 6.45am and i was about to go to work. At times, it made me wonder, i always be the first to reach the office... say by 7am. And what make wonder that my staffs will arrive like 8am or later... and at times i felt that wow... I am the HoD and i am always the first to reach office. Would not my staffs feel something... and even my clerk arrived later than me. I am not saying they have to beat me but once in a while would be nice. I know office hours start at 7.45am. And i am sorry maybe some disagree but i always reach at 7am and do my work.. and for lunch i may leave at 11.45am (to beat the traffic) but i will always be back to office by 12.45pm or even earlier... and yes i will leave at 4.15pm so i can beat the traffic to go for hiking. But collectively, overall, i still work more than less.
Lately i hardly go n look for cake... maybe the feeling gone or i realized that i ate a lot! hahahaha well maybe i have tried all cakes at zest and even pattiserie! anyhow.... lately i am concentrating on my new staffs... and hence maybe i was busy. My back still pain.... anyhow now i better go back to my work... and i have rehab round in a few minutes!
I am writing this not to spite or saying that I am against religion. As for me, in religion I don’t think there are certainties…. As we all are human and at times the ‘do’ and the ‘don’t’ are based on the Al-Quran teaching and being interpreted by humans. So I am skeptical in that who to judge this and that as for me all the end of the day, it is up to Allah. First of all, I am writing not to be provocative but just a wonder in my mind.
I mean I came across few cases in my work that at times made me wonder about ‘hukum’ especially ‘Syariah’. I don’t even know it’s the right term. In my profession, of course we need to be flexible in that we have to attune to beliefs, cultures and religions. That the challenge that I face in my profession. I do not deny that at times, I believe in supernatural and others when there are cases that I can not explain and can not do anything about it.
The reason is that this morning, we were discussing about a sensitive issue. A case referred for an intellectual assessment functioning in relation to concern about a client’s mental capacity entailing decision making and judgment following a request for Tubal Ligation by the client and family. The thing is that this client is suspected of intellectual deficiency (in other word mental retard) in that this client has poor insight that that the client could not think straight causing problem in that the client bored children out of wedlock. The client has a very difficult and poor family dynamic as well. Client is a divorcee with few children and poor economy background. Client is living with welfare allowance and her problem caused many social and financial issues to her family. And hence to avoid further pregnancy and this would caused money issues, the carer requested for tubal ligation. Reason is to avoid further pregnancy and this would curb the money issue as they are unable to bear the expenses and even now living on welfare. I believe the family doing this for the good. But the decision before was rejected as it was said against the law, fair enough and the religious affair was involved and this is against religion. This client is a convert. The religious affair stressed that by allowing the procedure would encourage the client to do more ‘maksiat’. For me, I don’t know. My personal opinion taking account all the background history, I agree for the client to have the procedure. Maybe it is against religion but I am looking at the big picture, doing this would curb a lot of problem. Money and social issues. As not only the client that I feel we must look after, her children and her family who looked after her. I know it can be argued that she would do more ‘maksiat’ but one problem i.e. pregnant again would be prevented and this would save a lot of headache about expenses. My finding that this client is MR and hence family or POA is advisable and her family has the right for the procedure although I am skeptical that Religious affair would counteract this. We are yet to see.
My previous experience, few years ago I was involved in a NAI case for a 1 yr plus old baby boy. The history was that this boy from birth was adopted to a family. The biological mother was a young lady unmarried (only 17 yrs of age) and no idea who was the father. While this happened (during pregnancy), her family wanted nothing from her and she was taken care by a family whom later agreed to adopt the baby. They even went to court for adoption registration etc. And the adopted family had no problem ith biological mother to come and be with the baby but after the birth, the biological mother left the house and never took care of the baby. A year plus later, the biological mother and family wanted the baby back. A minor accident happened to the baby that he was brought to hospital and we were involved. The adopted family accused of abuse by the biological family. I was asked to assess the situation and I did investigation. Many loops. One thing (well despite this my decision was made up) I was told that the mother planned to give to another family for money. I was not biased but probing the background history, the biological family did not care before and the baby from birth looked after by adoptive family and brought up by them and attachment to them. Pead Doctors, MSW and myself all came to conclusion that the adopted family had more rights. Guess what happened, without any logical explanation, I remember I was really frustrated that when the religious affair came into picture and intercepted the outcome. Biological mother above all, without question (according to religion) had the right. When I tried to argue, I was told off… it is in religion and I was not supposed to question. I remember I was so frustrated and angry that I refused to get involve after that.
Another issue I had was we had a client with marital issue. Few years abused by husband. Second wife converted. She wanted divorce as could not bear with abuse and furthermore as she was a convert her child was taken away by first wife to be looked after as they felt she was unfit. For 6 years we saw her, case never solved and eventually went to court. She lost the case and what frustrated us was that among the explanation she was a convert, if divorced and she went back to her country, she would reconvert back (fair enough) but for us… for many years she was suffering, husband and family abusive physically and verbally to her and she wanted to save herself (even trying killing herself) and the ‘syariah’ court rather kept her in her hell rather than saving her. Serious I did not keep in touch with this case.
Another example, we had a case. A lady very stressful clinically that referred to us. Found out family issues and with that also, the husband not well. Along the sessions we saw her, her husband passed away. Now the problem was huge. Initially before, she was living with her husband family but they moved out using government house as so many conflicts in the house. She has no children but they have two adopted children. The thing is that after the dismissal of the husband, she had to move out of her flat as husband no longer alive and she had no place to live. The husband did build before and now his family lived there. When she asked to live there, not granted as she was told she had no right and furthermore her husband had passed away. She did file a complaint to ‘syariah’ court. And again, like I said to some… I believe there are certain Islamic rules do fail us. She as a wife according to ‘paraid’ not entitle to husband’s wealth. And furthermore, no biological children as adopted children has no rights in Islamic rule. She lost. And she continued being our patient and once tried to commit suicide even. She is a wife and husband passed away, everything gone. ‘Syariah’ law failed her there. I just can’t seem to make peace with this as I was like so a wife meant nothing in the eye of islam?.
Like I said I don’t know.
Entah today my mood was down. I was just lying on my bed and watched DVD. Tomorrow is another week and i hope it is better. I have fear as i left my clinic for almost two weeks and i know they would be many works! I dont know i am not blessed with good staffs and at times i questions their commitments and their loyalty and in term of their decision making and jugdment... seriously i am not impressed. Well what can i do... maybe i expect too much from them. I want them to be like me when i was like them. Before when i was under Dr Kumar... i was very efficient... cuz of what... i want to prove my worth.
You said that i am disrespectful friend. Okay H... we been friend since 2000... yes more than 10 years... up and down...
1. You lied to me. I was blamed for your break-up. I came back during summer to be hate by your partner whom claimed that you left you partner for me. I am just your fren never more.
2. You got problem with your work. You think i dont know... oi fucker Your HR Hazimin is my fren too. Even showed me reports of what happened. Not only now with TAIB... but from SCB and even before that IBB... the case you had. And as fren, i never judge. You think i am stupid...
3. You misused me ... getting you MC for your family etc. Did i ever complaint? nah still stay your fren.
4. You borrowed my money... thousands! always say this problem that problem. Remember your ford focus... whom helped to pay the installments for few months ... it was me! To save you from being sued! and you borrowed money this and that... but like you went holidaying all behind my back... to make me wonder you have money but never pay me. Yes i never asked. And i remember once... you borrowed money said you needed it... only later to find out that you used it for you partner... to pay fees to get a maid... stupid thing. And you never want me to know any of your partners.
5. Not once in our duration we know as fren... u came my house for raya while i always go urs.
6. This is many. I always say i like this person that person... only later to know you dated them. And typical you will say sorry actually i dated them.. i know you like them sorry. And still i am your fren. The worse case was with F... and u said you had to break up with F to respect me. Wat the fuck! If you respect me you would not even start relationship with F in the first place!
7. While i was away in OZ... my mistake... gave you my ATM card so that if i need to pay anything i can ask you to do the errands for me. Guess what happened. You ignored me, ignored my texts, emails or sms.... and i found out... you used all my money in my bank. Go holiday here and there... til you drained my account to nil!! until my insurance AIA not paid and my loan... this the bit... i said to you... what you do this to me... my own fren... (these the same word you said to me today).
8. You ignored me many years as you afraid that i will ask my money back. Back from OZ... i tried contacting you but like you ignored me. Changed hp no etc.
9. You only back in my life after you got suspended from TAIB... for taking money. I heard of it.. sorry Your HR told me and even our Friend Hj Maslan told me. Did i judge u? no i just be fren wit you. And yes again and again you borrowd money frm me... and never get any repayment. do i care? no... i am like ah... let it be.... and still be your fren.
10. Now with L... i said i wanna date intro me someone. You gave L.... i had fun even thanking you for it. Wat u did... eh L is my partner.... dont disturb L... mine! is that respectful? U said u and L are couple but L denied it. L begged me for us to go out again and again. And now u are angry with me as you said i am not a good fren and disrespectful.
well these are only some of many things you did to me.. just cuz maybe i am partly at fault as i went out with L... all the sudden the bad person is me... when compared to what you did to me... i made a tiny mistake and suddenly you are the saint... i am the bad one!
fair ryte... Okay H... i was happy that for once... i did bad to you. Ppl like you once in a while i reckon need to be taught a lesson! not that i dont have remorse but what u did to me today just too much... u r so ego.... so well... as you said i am jahat n all... well let it be then....
Wat a day.... at times, i really think people are just selfish thinking of themselves and as if their problems are the biggest and never use their brains to think! As you are aware that i am on my MC after my OP the Uteroscopy. I will use code here although those who read this whom know me and my friends would definitely guess who are these ppl.
1. This person... AS... i just had a surgery and guess what.... AS had pain and even to the point it was surpassed me... whom just had a surgery. Suddenly me whom just had a surgery had to attend to AS's pain and whiny... I fucking pee blood and still.... AS worst than me... whom just a day able to b here and there. And AS when in pain or problem... i try being there... when comes to me... 'Sorrrrryyyy busy'. Had stressful day today i tot need a fren... fucking no....
2. Remember i wrote weeks ago about my date that went horribly wrong when i found out the person (Name L) is my fren's (Name H) partner. I thought that was over and still today got watsapp... blaming me! L told H that we did go out few times after that. I did as L said they nothing going on and i agreed as L kinda begged me to go out and carry on our 'friendship' and insisted that H now to know. I went along as it was just harmless. And for few days... H was like harrasing me and lecturing me about being friends. Disrespecful etc. Not that i am holding any grudges but like i feel H would be the last person to lecture me about that. What H did to me... stole my money etc... i never even mentioned it anymore... and suddenly i am the disrespectful friend... i know human only see it on their sides.... others will normally be at fault. i dont care now. H and L for me both of you are crazy! Remember H... when i mentioned years ago when i said i know your A... you took it the wrong way. In this case i will ignore although you send me many messages asking why... why i did that? why i am like? I am your fren... and yet when you did wrong to me.... ever thought that i am your fren?... HELL no! fuck man... u spoiled my mood! And like i am recuperating from my surgery and you bothered me with this trivial matter well not that i think this is a useless matter.... obviously this L is not faithful to you and you still want him... at least L did it with me... maybe hurtful for you... but H you hurt me first... when i first went out with L... i was happy and told you everything even thanking you as i was really happy.... what did you do to me... you dropped me a bomb stating that L is your partner and you two are going out. How did i feel then? You made a fool of me! Yes i admit part of me is doing vendetta to you! Serve you right!
3. This C... i know you are a friend but at times i feel you do not use your head. When you took my medications for me... you were 'berkata-kata'. I remember when i took your medications i even send it to your home as you needed rest. With me, i even had to go out and picked it up. And even that i waited hours for you to finish your stupid talk. Asked me go one place and then not there n this and that. I just had surgery. And even that, you asked me for to get MC for your sister and i had to come to office for that while i am on MC. Did i complaint? no.... and today you asked me how about your HSBC card as it was in your office and you were on your off day... what about me... i came to get MC for your sister on my MC day and had to go office as well. See human only care of themselves. And yes when i said pass to my clerk... you were complaining that you came during your off-day and how stupid can you be... you turned up at 1pm (lunch time) when ppl were out to have lunch and You whined my clerk was not there! Are you fucking making sense? and for me... why it has to be me doing all this submission for HSBC
can you not do it yourself!
4. A... out of nowhere... watsapp hi dear and i was like oh god.... need favour... while i was not well... you didnt even visit me while i was admitted. Didnot get out of bed and missed work... need me for MC again.... and whining not well this and that... i am on MC after surgery.... why... like i had to attend to ppl's need what about mind... see humans are just selfish.....
Maybe i am not lucky.... But Tnxs Danny Rush... despite what ppl said about you... you know i was in distressed... u called me and be by my side! sweet... but others are just crapped! but ya when they need me... bukan main! i should be more selfish!