Sunday, December 29, 2013

I seldom have a resolution when it comes to new year... but this year I want to make one.... My resolution is to Be happy!! And for you for saying harsh words and said that I should just die with my friend.... Here from us! Enjoy!

One of the last messages you sent was that you asked me to define friend or love one? That when you asked to choose between a friend and you. Yes you were my loved on... I used were as we over now... although I must say I still love you. We been together for almost 2 years, it is not easy for me as you think but I know this is for the best. While you were in KL... we had the best time of our life... but I don't know why eversince you are back to Brunei things changed drastically. I lost you... you became an angry person... I tried being there and accept whatever but you dumped me again and again. Labelled with harsh words and many.... I took all and still willing to stay by your side. Many times you said you no longer wanted our relationship when I asked and still I stayed by your side. I got confused as one day I am your loved on and another day I am a stranger.
And when lately I managed to get myself a friend.... a friend... I am much happier and I can be myself. I can talk and tell anything. And I even told you about this friend. And as you did not even want to meet me again... I spent time with my friend. And you know the story. Yes almost each day we spent time together as I feel more real. We do mutual activities this and that... and with you all we had was phone call, wassap and yes phone calls..... what real in that?! You said you are afraid to see me.... and prefer this way after KL.... And yes you killed my feeling.... from time to time....
I just don't know what to say and u asked me friend or love one... for this case I stick with my friend.... as I don't feel u and I are lovers in a real sense!
As can be seen from these pictures... we been eating a LOT!! These are just some of the pictures!

It is funny how when I think back... I lost AR as I have new friend in my life. AR never even want to meet me... do mutual things as couple or anything.... and yes... i was asked to choose.... fren or lover? and I chose my fren.... :)
About few month back... I met a friend. And yes it is nice after been a while to have a friend. But I do know I cant hope too much. People changed and when time past all will change but for now I am happy having him as a friend to talk to. And hang out....

It has been a while I wrote in here. Last was like March 2013. Just this year has been hard and I didn't get to go to a lot of place. Mainly work... and I was stuck with AR... and we went downhill and yes just two days ago I think that was our end for good. Maybe it is for the better. Life been lonely and so shit I must say but work is my life mainly. Sigh.... loneliness is like my middle name. At times I wish people can be more appreciative of me. I do good to them but what do I need in return. I am like a nobody and never a priority and having an impact to them. Nothing!
Anyhow till later. I am hoping that I will write more.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Update 31st March 2013

I know i havent been writing for a long time in here. I went to Manila.. and Boracay. And then i went to KL. As my last post stated about AR... W... And M... i dont know after Manila... i felt i do not want to see M anymore... i know i am bad. Manila Boracay... got stories but i will keep it to myself... but shocking too when u know a person bad side... at times i feel i cant tolerate.... well not my business... i did have fun as always....
Then i went to KL again... always a spoiler... but i was happy as i get to meet my adik angkat kal.. my fren Jackson... and Of coz... Dr Yap. And i was invited to a gathering at this new club and kinda exclusive... i got the invite for the record! heheheh
Well...i patched thing up with AR... and well... lets see how we go frm here... things been okay i must say....
okay... well... i msg J... and J did not recognise my number... i mean how bad J was... hello the number is Brunei no and who else you know frm Brunei! Fuck u! God i wonder why i was so dissapointed... as J said clear the phone but still my number is Brunei number... use ur head... who else... hahaha i bet as J meant a lot to me... thus y i felt this way... well okay i will concentrate on AR ... although i may be skeptical at times... but i will go with the flow... and well i am sorry I... i cant be ur fren.... you have to let me go.... i will update... esp about DR..... :)

Thursday, February 28, 2013

I havent been in here for ages... but tday was so ermm... okay... i been happy with W... but just like how i felt with J before... emptiness at times. But W been wonderful and all. My mistake... i couldnot help to contact AR again... and god knows how my days been. But the happiness was so surreal thus i felt or anticipate bad things. Yes... AR and me had into an argument which i felt is not mendable... W found about us and felt will step back. But deep down W is the one not AR. I used AR to fill up for lacking of W. I paid the price... lost them both. To make thing worst... i recently met RR and being me... RR fell for me... and saw RR status on FB... RR asked about me and AR. And now i hurt RR too... but sorry RR... i never fall for you and i thought as i know you like me i play along just like what i did for I... ermm... i am bad i know... and two nights ago... i met M and i actually proposed to M to be my partner.
Well... with the situation now... i guess i try with M...
Self reflect... something is not right with me... why am i like this.... I dont knw....