I just want to mention that for Danny's birthday... we went to Miri to celebrate. Well.. Three of us.. Danny, Azim and myself... for info.. we are all cousins... so it was like a family trip... it was fun for once just us... see our pics... we like it so much hehe....

This just came across my mind.. just say you are on FB or MSN... why is that certain people never approach you first unless you approach them. For me, it simply telling you that you are more into that person that the other one ya.. right? i mean i am not talking random people but say your friends. It made me think at times... why do we have to be the first to say hi... if we don't, they wont say hi to you. It can be give and take but when i realized it has always been me saying hi or hello first... it made me wonder at times... why cant they made the first move at times... i do get tired you know... and like asking ppl for coffee or hang out... if i don't... no... i mean not all... I got Danny asking me coffee all the times... i got Farhan... i got Justina... etc these what i call as friendship... as it is both sides. So i want to tell myself... for some people as i am tired being the one keeping asking or inviting so i will stop now... for once... people it is nice to be asked out... coffee etc... not just one sided... so i am just sticking to people that do vice versa... that is what i call friendship :) .... So you out there... if u think i don't keep in touch... think again... as i think i normally do keep in touch just that the touch is getting tired as only one sided...

I know at times i realized that maybe i am not made for relationship... all gone down the drain... i know god made us someone but i haven't found that someone yet. I am not looking but i know at times i am searching. Incoherent it may sound. Anyhow... this is how i feel lately... i feel my relationship is so not balanced. This is how i felt... about my love...

"CINTAKU
Dingin dalam hati mengingat dirimu kasih
Tertutup lembar cerita cinta
Jgn biarkan aku menanggis sendiri...
Menyendiri tanpa kau disini
Cintaku kuingin sepertimu
Tak merindu walaupun jauh dariku
Cintaku maaf aku tak tahan..
Menghadapi dinginnya hatimu
Sampai kini kasih tak ada dapat kucari
Walaupun begini aku tetap cinta engkau...."

I knw i have lots of nice moments during my trip... but i surely miss these people... they were wonderful and it was memorable cuz of them!

Was showing some trip pictures just now... sis was impressed. Ermm... mum no comment only asking about the henna tatoo i had on my arm... it was henna... henna... if it is for real... you would reckon i would show it? 'sigh' .... Wat wrong wit that... even in Brunei we have henna... in carnival etc... wedding people do henna... wat's the big deal..... exact question 'is it still visible'... wat if it is... after all it was not permanent tatoo... and ya aura was all negative!

I am just wondering to what extend can you be control. I know it is not nice to talk about this. But at times,i am just so fed up to be asked little things and seems like you cant have your freedom at all. Being criticized for anything, the way you dress etc. And like can your parents understand your routine etc. I know it is not good to talk ill of your parents, i am aware of that. But like you are an adult,leave some room for trust and freedom. To be constantly getting text messages when you are out 'jalan-jalan' like 'dont be home late mum said'... once or twice maybe okay but all the times! Cut me some slacks! like last night for certain times, i went out at about 7pm just to grab dinner and coffee with my mates... text msg... 'dont be home late'... this is like many times! Wat the %^&*!! and like today, i am up early, went down to have breakfast, was asked "you r up early, where are you going"... i m just down to get coffee... and like what you need to knw! Do i have to report all?!! Like most time... i be in my sport attire, i be asked 'where you off to?' i am like 'u need to ask... sport... meaning hiking.. i been doing it like for many years.. cant u just understand it without asking'... its pathetic... at the age of over 30 yrs, at times i do have to like 'sneak' if i go out as to avoid questions... u know us... at times just out to get dvds etc n to be asked the whole time where to... its just too much and ya... and ya... well there is more but i dont knw... like what i said..to what extend we can be control.. and well being parents... even about money they would interfere and well... mine at times... even interfere my work... sigh!

BETWEEN LOVE AND GOODBYE

"When you weren't around I was Okay
I use to have time for my friends all day

When you weren't around I was alright
I need sometime alone tonight

So what will you do
If I leave you here alone

How will you feel
if I won't be coming home

Cause I got myself to save
so I might be gone If you call on me tonight

Between love and goodbye
i wont be leaving in the middle this time
Between love and goodbye
i've got a heart of gold you will never find

When you weren't around I was myself
I never had to think of anyone else

When you weren't around I always need
just where my life was going to

So i can create
what we havent seen

But i cant escape
leaving in a dream

And my fear is at its height
so i might fall far like the stars in heaven tonight

Between love and goodbye
i wont be leaving in the middle this time
Between love and goodbye
i've got a heart of gold you will never find

the thought of loosing you tonight
makes me want to stay and fight
but i cant touch what you believe
should i leeeeeeeeeaaaave

between love and goodbye
i wont be leaving in the middle this time
between love and goodbye
i've got a heart of gold you will never find"