At times i am tired...

hi... when i write this here... i do hope i dont offend anyone but it was just a tot i had in mind. I am always the provider in everything... Just a wonder... why ppl would depend on me for everything... like driving for instance... to be picked up etc... n like without me... wont be able to make it to a gathering etc.... at times...it really did make me really tired.... i mean for once or certain time.. i wish ppl would do that for me too... i m sorry to say this... but i know my meaning of my name is 'convenient' but i do feel tired being convenient to others...

Some ppl asked me why i started to blog again... i said as i think this is the best way to express myself... as i dont knw at times whom else i can trust n talk to. I mean i do have friends for that matter but they are not in Brunei. I am not saying i dont have anyone in Brunei but just that for that purpose i prefer my overseas friends. Anyhow.. with the recent incident where i was accused.. i wanna put a stop to that... yes i know who did it but i think for the best interest of all... i think it is better to leave it that way... just that the person did not even think of the impact and repercussion it would cause me n ppl surround me. I knw You did it out of love but for me it was just like no brain. Anyhow i wont say much about it. I just hope it will go away.

I know it has been a long time since i updated in here. Many things happened...i even went to many trips... Bali, Kl, Brisbane etc... and yes i was in relationship as well that only lasted 6 months... and it was a turbulent relationship from the start... i was just giving it a chance but no use if it was only me wanted it work and made it work. It went to drain. Well... last relationship i had with J was like almost 2 yrs and this only like 6 months i know i could survived this although i still feel hurt. Hurt that i was blind in this relationship... should have listened to others... and well... i was in denial mainly but i am over it now. I opened my eyes and i have moved on. I am not saying i jumped straight to a next relationship. No i m resting but yes i have one whom loved and cared much about me but i need the time. Wait and hold on ya... and yes my relationship ended with a bomb. I was accused of doing something and i did not do it. I was not stupid enough to do that. let me keep it in my mind. I dont knw how much i deny it.. it seemed that i was the doer.... but never mind. My way of fighting it is silence... but DIAM KU BUKAN TAkUT.... and i will just bear all the bad things my x-partner said to me... never mind.... for me it was just a dog barking to the hill... i will stay strong.... and pity it caused my friendship to certain people....
Anyhow... lets stop that.... i learnt my lesson....
One thing i wanna say... i posted a pic of someone wanted to borrow money from me.. Eversince i am back in Brunei i met many people like that and i knw some still owe me money... wont say the name... the recent one why i posted the pic... as long as i can remember when i know this person... not even a friend... an acquaintance only... met at party and needed help related to work. I helped n eversince all the person asked were favours... tis and tat... but like lepak... happy time... no.... of course i was like disgusted... borrow money.... just like before... i went to a gathering with my uncle... and then few days later got call from uncle's fren whom like oh can use ur name to buy car... and some approached to borrow money also... so i am like... wat the hell... u have your own circle of frens and i m just new and not even a 'fren' in a real sense why came to me... they see me as S ELEVEN ($)... fuck off la....
and well i wont say about this... but i feel someone has changed... i am yet to see... whether my instinct is right or not... but if it is true, seriously i wanna knw why.... as all i know i help this person A LOT.... well...typical thing here in Brunei...u fren ppl.... nice to them... at the end of the day... i m the bad one....
Okay i will try to update more in here... although maybe life has not been treating me well... but overall i also see lights... i see true ppl.... and i m blessed!

This is a song that i want to dedicate to a person that have been so nice to me. Surely you are an angel and surely you are the gem in my life.... Thanks for being there for me... the song is for you... although may not be applicable in the whole sense but you get what i am trying to say. I like you for proving it with actions and not with words... as i don't like promises. You never promise me anything but surely you did deliver!! Love you for that...

"Ketika sepi datang
Melanda hatiku
Ketika kosong
Datang hinggap di kalbu

Engkau selalu hadir
Engkau selalu datang
Engkau paling mengerti
Apa yang ku mau

Jangan kau dengarkan
Kata mereka yang selalu ingin memisahkan kita
Kobarkan asmara jauh didalam dada

Kalau kau bulan
Kamu jadi bintangnya
Bila kau jadi bunga
Kamu jadi kumbangnya
Kalau kau bulan
Kamu jadi bintangnya
Bila kau jadi bunga
Aku jadi kumbangnya

Honey ku tersayang, honey ku tercinta
Hati dilanda rindu tanpa kehadiranmu
Oh honey ku tersayang, honey ku tercinta
Temani diriku sampai akhir nanti

Akhirnya ku temukan ya yang ku cari
Sepanjang hidupku ya yang ku cari

Oh honey ku tersayang, honey ku tercinta
Oh temani diriku sampai nanti
Honey ku tersayang, honey ku tercinta
Temani diriku sampai sampai akhir nanti"

SELALU SALAH

Dulu memang kita saling bersama
Ku mengira tulus dalam kata
Tapi kini kamu memang berbeda
Ku terluka untuk selamanya
Caramu yang membuat diriku jauh
Kecewa di dalam hatiku

Ku tak mengerti cinta
Indahnya hanya di awal ku rasa
Mengapa kau benar
Dan aku selalu salah
Kini memang kita saling berpisah
Ku merasa sesal dalam kata
Tapi kini kamu memang bersalah
Kau berubah untuk selamanya
Sifatmu yang membuat diriku jenuh
Mendua di balik mataku

Ku tak mengerti dia
Cinta ini bukan hanya kau yang rasa
Ternyata dia bukanlah pujaan dalam hatiku
Ku tak mengerti cinta…

PURA PURA

Setiap kali ku berfikir
setiap kali ku mengerti
jalan ini tak semestinya ku tempuh
dalam hidupku
seandainya aku mau
seharusnya aku bisa
tinggalkanmu yang slama ini ku cinta
dalam hatiku
maafkanlah aku
yang tak mampu lagi berpura-pura
untuk tak cintai kamu
slama ini di depannya
ku tak sanggup lagi
terus kau suruh untuk slalu mengalah
lebih baik aku pergi
dari cinta yg tak pernah ..
untukku...

Sheila Marcia – Malaikat Kecilku

"Separuh jiwaku telah jadi satu
Tak sabar ku menunggu
Datangnya sang waktu
Tuk membuat secara baru
Hari terus berlalu
Menanti ku terharu
Tuk melukiskan cerita baru

Satu nafasku kian jadi satu
Bahagia yang ku tunggu
Peluk erat dirimu
Berbisik ayat-ayat rindu
I just want to say i love you
I need you and i miss you
Kau memang malaikat kecilku

Separuh jiwaku telah jadi satu
Tak sabar ku menunggu
Datangnya sang waktu
Tuk membuat secara baru
Hari terus berlalu
Menanti ku terharu
Tuk melukiskan cerita baru

Bahagia yang ku tunggu
Peluk erat dirimu
Berbisik ayat-ayat rindu
I just want to say i love you
I need you and i miss you
Kau memang malaikat kecilku"