HANG UP ABOUT UR EX

Looking at the heading… still hang up about ur ex… I am not talking about myself. I am so over mine. Never think back or look back. Anyhow, I am writing this to tell a person how I feel about this matter. I do understand the problem and the pain after a break up.. For me, it is a break up not break down! Anyhow… let me tell you this… I used to have one experience… I think it was back in 2005 or 2006, I used to go out with this girl… yes we were dating. Things were okay at first until I smelled something not right. Something fishy. Okay… I realised that she was not over her ex. Despite the claim that she broke up with her bf like a year already but she still kept checking her phone etc. And well… good thing I found out about it. We talked about and she assured me that I was her bf. Her heart and mind were for me (fcuking lame!). Well, can’t blame her too… we didn’t go out for a long time. This started like in our 2nd month relationship and then it came ramadhan and Eid Mubarak. And things started to get ugly or I started to rethink of the relationship as when we met and out for date, all she asked was about her ex. Telling me about her ex … ex and ex. And she did note that I wasn’t pleased. So it did cause us friction and well I was just giving us chances and more chances. Anyhow… I still remember it was one day in Eid Mubarak where I told her that I needed to be with my guy friends for Raya gathering at this lady whom we used to go to same University with. I remember I went out with Amir and Haji Lihan to Kak Weeja house for Leeds ppl get together. And I specifically told her not to disturb me (as she been suffocating me, I was her bf and yet she complaint about her ex most of the time) I mean it was just wrong, I was supposedly the one she was currently dating and she still got angry and complaint to me about her ex bf. Just try to put u ppl in my shoes how would u feel. I had limit in my patience as well. Okay for the certain time, before I went out, she was like ‘kusut’ about me going out with my guy friends as normally everyday she would want to spend it with me.. Everyday I fetched her home from work and any errands I would be there for her. So that night, I been harassed by her texts and eventually she called. I ignored and even off my mobile. Once I on it, she would call me again and for once, my friends were like ‘just pick it up’. So I did… to my horror… even before I said anything, she said “I am crying, my ex called me… I feel so hurt”. I was like you moron…. I exploded and very angry and off my mobile. What happened after that, I ignored all her calls and texts…. And yes I left her! Haiza knew of this… even Mawar. I left her as she was still hang up about her ex and I felt that it was wrong for her to do that to me. I was her bf and yet she talked and complaint about her ex! Well we only went out 3 months (for note, soon after that I left for Oz) and she had her own life.
Okay you must be wondering why I am writing this… this was like few years ago… the reason is that you… you know who you are… you are doing this to me…. I know I did say I am very understanding but there is limit to my understanding. You are repeating what she did to me. If I am your bf… would it be fair that you kept talking about ur ex bf… mood down thinking about ur ex… not happy and everything all about ur ex…. I was already sceptical with our long distance relationship but yes I do like you a lot so I gave it a go but with you behaving that way and all about ur ex… I for once… am not sure… and well u were the one who texted me and said you wanted to be friend. And I did say I was okay with it…. n I am so sorry if I wasn’t like before in keeping in touch with you as I knew I did my part in our relationship to keep in touch etc…. before I was always the first for u… even u with your friends… without failed u would still entertain me. I thought of it.. yes we are better of being friend and I do hope you understand. I did tell you… I analysed all… you still hang up about ur ex bf… n despite you said you love me… I am your rare jewel… but if I am all that, you would not be bothered or affected by your ex. You would not posed as someone else to dig out stories about him. I know you needed answers and all… but it all showed that you are not over him. So I am sorry… I don’t want to be hurt too… I knew you told me that when you met me you just broke up like a week with him. I could understand that and I even said that to you… I was your rebound. When I met you too… I just broke up few months but at least I knew I was over my ex. So I am sorry to write this but I just feel you need to know. I know I am very understanding and all but I still have my own feeling. Seriously… it did hurt me. How would you expect me to say or behave when you told me about how ur ex treated you… this and that. I stopped calling as I didn’t want to waste it to listen about you and your ex while by right we are supposedly going out. Sorry…. I think we are better off being friend. And do not blame me as I am honestly telling you here…. Someone else attract my attention. Like you said I deserve happiness too. I don’t want you to think that I was not loyal to you. I only paid attention to this person after you sent me the texts on my phone about being friend (that time all used to be nice n sweet between us, to receive that, i was stunned, no warning and i had to swallow them all). N you admitted to me that you still have him in your heart. Some of your messages did hurt me. I am sorry… I knew you said last two nights that you sorted out your mind… and you did say deep down… it was me… deep down…. But the surface is someone else. I don’t think I could live with that and put on my pokerface as if all is okay with me. Sorry…. You have to know this way. I don’t want to add more sadness to you but I think this is the best for us. I don’t want us to hurt each other. And I don’t want to hurt me.
And for this new person… I am thankful and I know I am clear about my feeling about you. Maybe we are not in cloud nine entirely but I have to say… I am liking you a lot and I can’t deny that I am starting to fall in love with you. And one thing I ask of you… if you read this… be clear of what you want… you did say you love me a lot… thank you for that… but please be sure of it… before we got further and once you want this to happen, I would definitely demand your commitment. If you ever have doubt… please tell me and do not start anything with me. Like I said… it is hard for me to open my heart for love… and i am willing to do that for you... so better be clear with me.... before you hurt me too...