Is this breaking season?

I wonder... i know one song by Melly stating "like musim durian, musim putus cinta" and i am like.. yes this is durians season and well the past few days i been with people breaking up and having problem with their relationships.... well as most of u aware i broke up recently myself... but well i m happier.... but like last three days... one by one a fren came to me for consult n comfort... i was like wow... two from here in Brunei n one my dearest fren called from overseas... i was like wow... i try to be there for them and i hope it works... i just hope they will handle the situation well... just that at times not that i am anti-relationship or wat... but like i do know when a relationship is no longer work n cant work... and no point in staying together.... well....
anyhow... D called me today from Seychelles... i miss her... and i kind of insisted that come to visit me!!!! and well i definitely look frwd for this!!! ok till later!

TALENTIME

Well, i wont be talking about this movie... but like always i like Yasmin's work... her movie is very distinctive than other typical malay movie... it is my genre must say... anyhow... this song by Aizat entitle "I GO" stuck to my head while i was doing my work today... yes i know it is sunday but i was doing my work! hehehe

"So long, fare thee well
The dancer and the dancing days have taken leave and fell
So turn down this bed of stone
Quench me with the deadly nightshade from the rose that you belong

The long December rain is falling now
Running down on streets to nowhere
Music is my life you're my sweetest nightingale
But I can't hear it here no more
And I go
I go

Hush now, don't shake or break
Words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave
No matter what they do or say
Lay me on the sleepy meadow by the tracks upon your face"

Hey, havent update this blog... always think of updating it but leisure time i rather surf or just watch dvds...
Anyhow, it has been very busy after the Hari Raya, works seems endless... at times i feel i am so busy that i dont even have for myself... health been deteriorating as never have the enough rest. Even today, supposed to have the World diabetic day event but i decided to stay home and rest. Mood have been up and down... i know what i need is a break! Just imagine there are times when i have like 3 meetings at a day and for crying out load, where can i have my time to see my patients, to organise my unit and to supervise my staffs! I think this has somehow affected my clinical skills. Damn at times, i wish i have more qualified staffs with me not only me alone to make all the decisions alone. And well i wish some have more initiative and more innovative as well.... sigh....
anyhow... i be okay i guess!
There been a wedding as well, and for once, i wasnt involved actively as i wasnt that well... missed few occasions and really feel sorry for that.
Anyhow, december is coming and all... well better month i hope....

PURA PURA

"Setiap kali ku berfikir
Setiap kali ku mengerti
Jalan ini tak semestinya
Ku tempuh dalam hidupku

Seandainya aku mau
Seharusnya aku bisa
Tinggalkanmu yang slama ini
Ku cinta dalam hatiku

Maafkanlah aku
Yang tak mampu lagi berpura-pura
Untuk tak cintai kamu
Selama ini di depannya

Ku tak sanggup lagi
Terus kau suruh untuk slalu mengalah
Lebih baik aku pergi
Dari cinta yg tak pernah untukku"

Hi, now it has been few weeks after raya...back to usual stuffs and eventhough i took a week off but that was not enough. Anyhow today is 10th October 2009, still got invitations for open houses but i have to pass them as i am not in condition to go. Anyhow, just an update.. I have decided that i want to end my relationship as i think it is for the best, i been trying to work it out but it has taken a toll, age differences, ideologies differences, this and that, the least i said the better, but i do hope the other person see it that way, and i know would be hard for the person but i wish the best. We grew apart and the relationship feels like a burden n more like work responsibilities and at times "terpaksa"... anyhow... there are far more important thing in the world than this now! :)
Okay, this week has been wow... last sunday, i woke up feeling a bit pain in my leg... but i tot just maybe i sprained it... i even went out to open houses, but later in the evening i realized something was not right, went to A&E well so many people, waited a bit but decided to go back. I couldnt sleep and about 3am i went back to A&E, i am sorry i know this is not general but the doctor i saw (not local) god he was useless... he didnt even do any investigation, like blood test, with the history given by me,.. i was pissed, i know i m bit selective with some painkillers, the doctor was like.. "wat can i give u then" pathetic... i just left.. and i tot nevermind i just go work n look for my fren in the morning. Well, ya... with my walking stick i turned to work, even saw patients in the wards, and blessed Dr Connie and Dr Munir did a check on me, and well did blood x ray... well we figured it gout. And i am on colchicine, it helped. But i think i needed the rest, i didnt get MC and still turned to work n i think walking around to wards n seeing patients taken a toll on me, i wasnt feeling well on wednesday and after stroke round on wed pm, i went home to rest, and slept and waking up to feeling SOB, got my asthma!! i tot i can wean it off by resting, it got worst... and about 3am, i was reluctant but i had to... i felt that i need nebulizer so i went to A&E again, hehehe mum was mad to find out that i went alone n drove myself... well now it was okay as i got Local doctor, she was good, got my nebulizer done, and prednisolone for my asthma, Oh ya i forgot to mention b4 all these, i got infection on my finger and i was on antibiotic flucloxacillin. Talk about heavily medicated i am...got mc.. and well yesterday, whole day, i kept going to toilet... diarheaa!, as i know i been warned that my medication will upset my stomach damn... i couldnot slept whole nyte only managed to sleep aroung 5am n up about 7am to go to work. Went to work but i needed toilet constantly with the "diarheaa"... i was like oh god hahaha... one after another... well hope next week is better....
Anyhow, i had my open house on 1st october 09, and my my the reception was overwhelmed. Didnt expect many people and we ran out food.. we opened around 5pm and not even 8pm, we ran out of food... and people kept coming... i couldnt do anything, sis-in-law, my bro were like .... heheh but mum n dad were quick to tackle the problem..... just imagine, we invited n yet not all turned up n still not enough! hahaha.... well... good one though....
anyhow... i think we should take a moment with all the disasters that happening around us, in Padang, in Phillipines... i think we should be grateful that we are here... pray all okay... and our prayers go to those ppl...
okay will stop here... til later ppl...

FIRST DAY RAYA 2009

well, this is raya in Brunei after a few years i been away... just normal thing....

PSYCH TRIP

Well, this was some time also... i think it was on 15th September 2009, after our work visit to KB... as it was fasting month... we finished work at 2pm and we decided to go Miri.. this was our second trip... the first was on the 5th Sept 2009... hehehehe Just me, Alinah and Moon...

HAFIZ'S BIRTHDAY

Actually, this was weeks ago... i been delaying to put this here... okay we celebrated my little brother birthday, it was last week of august... cant remember the date... we went to I-Lotus for his celebration...

Its about 6am now... i couldnt sleep and i have a trip to KB hospital today.. cant cancel it... i have booked many patients and i am supposed to drive mun and alinah as well... i just wonder why i couldnt even get an hour of sleep... will try to get power nap in between my patients... sigh.... it is cuz i drank coffee last nyte while i was at cafe in Qlap... i went out a bit to meet up with Amir, Hisyam and Ady as Amir is leaving for UK today to do his master... hmmm... anyhow... i just okay to see patients today!!

KEPUTUSAN HATI

KEPUTUSAN HATI...
By Acha Septriasa

"ku tak tahu mengapa aku
begitu sulit melepasmu pergi
ku tak tahu mengapa aku
begitu sakit melepas dirinya
mungkinkah aku terlalu memaksa
jika ku ingin ada keduanya
yang aku tahu aku cintai dia
yang aku tahu begitu pula dirinya
tak habis-habis ku curahkan
isi hatiku tuk keduanyatapi mustahil bila ku terima semua
biarkan ini jadi keputusanku
ku rasakan sekarang ku coba sendiri
karna tak bisa ku memilihaku coba sendiri
ku tak tahu mengapa aku (sulit melepasmu)
(ku tak bisa untuk memilih)"

THE DAY I MISS DIANE...

D, i was reading your blog... my my... i miss u heaps!!! Miss our days... and these few days, i was a bit down and god i damn miss u A LOT!!!!!!!!! I cant love anyone as much as i love u!!! Too bad... we are far hahahaha... but well... u r always in my heart....

WHERE GOT GHOST...

I went last night to watch this movie... as always for me Jack Neo never disappoint me... from "I am not stupid" til now... i think he is brilliant... his movies really is close to real... and hence it is nice.... and this latest movie indeed is nice.... good one... funny and at times really freaky!! and the wisdoms are great... i watched late night show... that was good heheheeh.... i recommend this movie....
Anyhow... people do ask how am i doing... still the same... always busy with work... last few weeks... despite it is ramadhan... it had been very busy... attended lots of meeting.... tell u till next week saturday... i have tonnes of meeting... and many referrals as well... so this ramadhan had been fast....
About personal life... nothing much really... still going out with someone... but honestly... going downhill... just waiting right moment to end it.... wont say much.... well at least that what i want.... its hard when it became a burden.... anyhow... i will be okay....
And well, Raya is just around the corner... i must find the mood... hehehehe okay til later.....

I went to watch the new installment in the Final Destination series... its the latest one... well... still a good fun to watch despite being predictable... what do we expect.... its the 4th installment! many organs flying around hahahah.... well... as tomorrow is holiday so i had the time to go and watch it... anyhow... just a plain fun i think... hmm... i need indie movie ahhahah... well i bought TaleNTime by Yasmin Ahmad... i think i will watch it now... see ya!!

J... I dont know i thought of u... and i shed some tears... my my... maybe i do miss you... but i do know i have to move on... Thanks for ur msg the other day... at least i know we are still friends...

ACHA SEPTRIASA - TENTANG KITA

"Seandainya saja kau bisa mengerti
Apa mau aku sekali ini
Mungkin aku takkan merasa bersalah
Karena telah putuskanmu
Cinta memang tak bisa ditebak
Jalannya membuatku bingung selalu
Karena sekali tersakiti
Pasti hilang sudah cinta itu jadi benci
Sia-siakah ini tak tau pasti
Akankah berubah nyatanya rasaku tetap sama
Masihlah sama terhadap kamu sayang"

TUHAN BERI AKU CINTA...

This is one song by Ayushita... a song from a movie KETIKA CINTA BERTASBIH... cant wait to watch this movie...


'Walau aku senyum bukan berarti/ Aku selalu bahagia dalam hari
Ada yang tak ada di hati ini/ di jiwa ini
Hampa…
Ku bertemu sang adam di simpang hidupku
Mungkin akan ada cerita cinta
Namun ada saja cobaan hidup
Seakan aku hinaTuhan berikanlah aku cinta
Untuk temaniku dalam sepi
Tangkap aku dalam terangMu
Biarkan lah aku punya cinta
Tuhan berikanlah aku cinta
Aku juga berhak bahagia
Berikan restu dan halal
MuTuhan beri aku cinta…"

JUst night out...

As some malaysian artists are around... so i took my friends to my Aunt's house when we had tis ambuyat gathering.... just some pic not much.....

MEELA BIRTHDAY

Today, We tot of spending some time with meela.... she always busy and so... well belated birthday actually.... so just us, Me, Haslin, Meela and Jun... ANyhow Happy Belated Birthday Meela!!!

Just a get together as it Syikin's bday... my cousin.... and well some artists from Malaysia were around and so just get together... here some pics....

I am at home today as i have decided to have a day rest. I was feeling not well, headache n a bit feverish, and as precaution, i think i need to stay at home. I am feeling slightly better now but i do need the rest. Anyhow, what i wanna let out here not about my sickness but the reception i got from two people in my life, ya... H and A. A very attentive and very concerned... while H expressed the care but thats it, even asked me to go out while i wasnt that well last night. And even today, got nothing, no msg or anything while A, messages me and called me to ask how i was doing. It is a dilemma i know... i know i got feeling of love from H but i do need A.... i am greedy i know. Wat to do ya.... i think i will see where this will go and see the flow... i know H loves me but at times H doesnt know how to 'jaga' my hati... while A always put my feeling first... hmm... anyhow, i better rest!!

SEPI

This song by Yuni Shara, it is a nice song and good lyrics... enjoy....

"Sepi hati terjadi lagi
Mungkin sampai mati aku sepi
Biar senyum hadir di hariku
Namun ini hanya ada di bibir
Di bibir saja
Aku ini yang bisa mengerti
Walaupun yang lain mau mengerti
Namun berat beban di hidupku
Biarkan saja biar sajaHanya ku yang tahu
Sejarah cinta dan hidupku
Penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
Butuh kesabaran yang penuh
Untuk tetap kuberdiri
Oh! ada saatnya kubicara
Bila hatiku t'lah bulat
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua
Aku tetap diam"

PEMERHATI SETIA

Hey, this is wat i took from a fren, PEMERHATI SETIA....

I think i have trust issues.... as well mostly before ppl tend to betray me or just look for me when in needs..... anyhow... i think for relationship i think i am hard to trust, i know i shouldnt based on my past experience... i know for certain i am with H now... but why do i find it hard to trust completely, up and down... and well i am always negative.... i know i shouldnt be... and well... am i attracted to A? am i hmmm fond of A... i know we talked and came to conclusion we are going to be friend as i have H, have to respect that... but i cant seem to let go of A.... despite keep insisting we are fren.... anyhow... mayb its the flu! Anyhow i know i have many thing to think about more serious than this.... ya... and well with the increase of H1N1 and one death here..... it is going to be more work.... ok i will stop here......

On the brighter note.... i managed to shed the weight i gained in Australia... so far i managed to lose 6kg and well few more to my ideal (well my BMI is still ok all these time) just that i wanna my own ideal weight.... and well... will put new pic soon... well this pics were taken during my cousin Azim's birthday, needed some fun....

CLOUD 9

hey ppl... i just want to say thank you to many.... ppl celebrated my bday late this yr.... on saturday, i tot had lunch with Haiza n Wee ping when Mun texted wat i do for lunch... i said join us... indeed she did... when i came to flor de lys... hmm.... i saw Mui, Hani were there too hmm i took danny as well... so it was like 7 of us... n then Alinah came n join... something fishy here! God they came to celebrate belated birthday with me oh ppl... and that nyte as well... my other group of fren as well celebrated my bday too i feel blessed.... ppl love me hahahaha... tnxs a lot... we had a good gathering despite my baby couldnt join me... i was a bit down hehehe as i missed my baby so much.,.. and it made me realised i am indeed in love.... n well... i helped a friend that nyte and someone accused me stealing someone date.... well.... as long as ppl that i knw n close wit me knw exactly wat happened... that wat matter... n well i m loyal when i m in relationship..... i may b naughty but i wont hurt the one i love!! hehehe anyhow... til later!! This week we on alert for MME hehehehe....

Just update... ppl think that my bday is on 16 or 17 hahaha n so i received lots of wishes late hahahah well better late than never... i did have a small thing with my family, Kak Harni bought cake, n dad bought cake too n just us n we ended up having 2 cakes.... n well i got boardgame from Kak Harni n Nike shirt so nice... tq.... n i got a nice pen from Agnes....
And today i got a lovely card from my good friend, Calvin... i was a bit down today n getting the gift from my good fren Calvin, wow he lifted up my spirit and make my day. My baby not well today but still my baby words made me happy... tnxs ppl... i feel so love....
apart from that nothing much, lots of wedding and i been busy.... and well, during my birthday, Haiza lost her dad, it was really sad... i attended the funeral.... n i was sorry that i was busy and the n i had 2 days MC thus i couldnt attend the Tahlil and during the weekend was caught up with weddings... i wanted to be there... as Haiza n family are like my family.... and well wanted to give them space too and i didnt know Ian left tonight otherwise i would have gone to airport to send him off... i see Ian as brother hehehe.... anyhow... will catch up definitely.... and well i just realised being head of unit is not easy many admin work to do... hehehe n i m not good! hahahaa.... anyhow i will catch up soon ya!!

My DAy

hey, today my birthday... no celebration as well normally nda jua la.... i just spent some time with my close frens here.... Danny, Hadi, Lee and Syukri... they so nice... and well thank you for that... all pics in facebook.... and got a bday wish frm Connie, Amir and Alvin thats all... anyhow... like always i get emo and a bit upset during bday.... and well... i think now i am falling for someone but i am sure that i am falling more than the person... hmmm it is hard and well.... i really miss someone (i know i have to let go!) and deep down right now... the only person i want to be with is you D!! i dont need anything.... Just u D... just us coffee.... n chat.... I damn miss u.... ur company n ur friendship n above you, your unconditional love to me..... and well someone ask what i want for my birthday this year.... one is D and second is for the one that i like now to like me fully me.... well just a wish.... anyhow... i get to go... off to visit Haiza and then gym!!

Unworthy...

hi, i found out that a person is, well i dont knw what i did that this person like unsecure n telling ppl bad thing abt me... even to ppl that no idea who i am. i been told by a fren that this person told him that he shouldnt trust me... i was like... this fren of mine know me and know for sure this person is telling lies. i am like wow.... didnt do anything but hmmm.... just well... all i can say... i know this person and well used to be nice to this person, helped and do nice things etc.... n well what do i get in return.... but then again even before this i know this person is not even worth knowing as this person used to say "i dont trust bruneian" and this person is a bruneian! for me no matter how long you stay abroad... at the end of the day u still bruneian.... jgn tah bangga... and well it is Brunei's government that so nice to give u money to study! anyhow.... i be extra careful!

I just realised that i forgot to include my highgate gang in my previous post... Euan, Preety, Rai, Nat and Dixson.... for monopoly sessions during my down times,... and the dinner and etc.... hehehe and well, i know i miss to mention few ppl but u all know i am grateful... thats include u Meela and Haslin.... for always been there for me!!

THE DAY I AM ME....

Hey, today i just realised that i am finally accepting that i moved on. I knw when i was back in Brunei, i was still heartbroken and was still thinking of my past, my ex. Today while i was at the gym, i finally realised that anything that remind me of my ex, dont affect my anymore... i was listening to our song, i felt nothing.... and when i listened to the song "my all" and "mengapa harus berpisah" i wasnt that upset as i used to be. And well, i could smile... as before i used to be a bit teary... I now see that it was not meant to be.,... I know J... we parted for the right thing... furthermore... just so many obstacles.... as when i was with you, you always make D as the problem... I always compare u and D......furthermore, i was with D more than u J..... and i know D... she always want the best for me.... and i was lucky when we parted, when you refused even to explain to me the reasons, i had D, always.... and thanks to my supportive friends, Alvin, Kieu, Divya... for always been there for me, and my MySA gangs.. Ho san, Ken, Ben, Eli, Laurane, Conie etc and my angel of course,.... and Well, u too C... for being good frens.... and just last month, D made me realised that i been stupid being upset.... and D thanks for all your love....and support and i knw while i was here, i know i dnt have frens that i used to have.... but i am lucky to know this person... name WD... and happened to be my relative. I know god been nice that i always have support.... tnxs for the support and occupying time with sport etc.... and he introduced me to someone recently that make me happy... not rebound! as well me n J were done like 8 months ago! but it is too early to tell... just that today i feel that i finally moved on... and free.... and well i been happy that i managed to lose weight... i m very committed to my routine and it is just nice when ppl said eh u look thinner... u lose weight? hehehehe.... i mean i didnt like it when i first back here.... everyone was like "berisi ah" hahahahaha but mum was like hmmm.... "like u when u berisi than now" hahahaha.... anyhow... i just want to say... i am in happier place now.... and i hope it will continue.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BRO & SIS-IN LAW

Hey, i throw a little get together to celebrate my brother and his wife birthday. Yes, my bro and his wife just a day apart in their birthday.... the date la hahaha the year well a year different. Anyhow, just a small one... invited my Buireng family and Izzah... to join. Nothing much really, i got them cute things for the gift and dinner voucher... Have a good one!!